A
female
age
30-35,
*lower89
writes:Why am I attracted to older men?I have have dated men my own age but I feel nothing.I have had two serious relationships one with my ex' who was 38 and I was 20 and I was head over heels for him. Then 1 year later I met my Daughter's father who I had a crush on for months before he made his move, with loads of encouragement from me, he was 47 and I was devasted when we finished, after 2 years and a kid. He was violent to me at the end so for my daughter I had to walk away. I said to myself I will never fall for an older guy again, I have tried to make myself attracted to men my own age, but I'm just not.I have met a man in his 40s again, and I'm 27 now.What's wrong with me that I prefer older men, I don't have, "Daddy issues" before someone suggests that.I remember my friend's mum told me a few years back, there will be something wrong with a man in his 40s who wants you and you will see why he can't get women his own age. With my 2 ex's her advice was correct. So why I'm I crushing on yet another older man? I say crushing as I have only really flirted and chatted with him so far, nothing has happened.You see the cycle though? Why the say it is the destination of insanity to repeat the same mistakes, maybe I need a therapist to help,lol!
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female
reader, Keeley345  +, writes (26 February 2016):
Like you do I like to date older men. It wasn't always like that though. Guys my own age even in my 20's didn't seem interested in me nor was I that interested in them. But the ones I did date, dumped me and basically treated me like dirt. But for whatever reason older men e.g guys who are 10 and more years older than me, liked me and used to ask me out.I couldn't understand why but a good friend of mine suggested I try dating older men. My friend said that my personality, outlook on life and ambitions, may be what older men found great about me, not to mention my good looks...lol I'm not unattractive! Whereas guys my age may be intimidated by me. This good friend was a young male so he gave me a guys opinion about myself. So I started dating older men with success. However no man is perfect regardless of age. Dating an older man can be fulfilling though. Older men I find, come with a lot of baggage and hang ups e.g kids, divorce, heartbreak etc So you have to bear in mind the difference in life experience. Sure I've got life experience at 31 but nothing like someone 10 or more years older. There is no excuse for abuse in a relationship though and I'm sorry you had that with your ex. Also why are you attracted to older men? Well...you can't control who you are attracted to. Don't force yourself to date men your own age though. It's not worth the effort for something you don't want anyway. I will keep dating older men and like you I don't have daddy issues. To me it sounds like you've had a bad spell with men. This could've happened with any guy of any age. Just use this time to reflect and learn from what's gone wrong and right. You will get back on track once your confidence is restored and you may have taken a knock to your self esteem and confidence. But I can relate to you. Older men are hot!lol...but not perfect.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2016): Some women just have a thing for older men. I think people read way too much into it. The younger women are motivated by the same thing the older men are - hormones.
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A
female
reader, Flower89 +, writes (7 February 2016):
Flower89 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you Honeypie.
I think with a lot of your advice you have hit the nail on the head.
Both my ex's have the same traits and similar reasons to why I left.
So I guess it is more about they type of man I attract and not so much age.
If a nice guy around my age comes along no baggage, no issues, not jealous or controlling ect. I'm not interested.
An older man with a million red flags and neon signs of why I shouldn't comes along, I'm right there!
Not saying that it's right but on reflection that's why I do.
Now I have a daughter I need to address it, as I don't want her in any the situations I have been in.
Thank you, Honeypie. Gave me a lot of food for thought and you are spot on.
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A
female
reader, Flower89 +, writes (7 February 2016):
Flower89 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,
Thanks for your advice, but my daughter has nothing to do with my type, I didn't have a kid with the first relationship and he was older.
Nor when I met my Daughter's father and he was in his 40s. Well he is her Dad so made her with me,
So no it's not down to me being a single Mum now.
I feel am 27 now and I have wasted my youth on men 2x my age. I just don't feel any attraction to men my age. I can't understand why.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 February 2016):
 I don't think ALL older men are bad news, but I DO think when a guy in his 40's are looking for a 20-something, he is hoping for a less complicated relationship, someone who is more "willing" to jump when told, with less baggage, who will automatically presume the "follower"/"submissive" role not the "leader" role in the relationship. And he MAY not be as mature as his peers, thus can't/won't date someone his own age, it might also be the "status" of having a young "thing" on his arm, the sense of "virility" and for some it can even be the "taboo" of an age-gap that makes them go for younger/older partners.
There are SO many reason people date in "age gap" situations - I think the most successful ones are the ones where the age just doesn't matter. They didn't go LOOK for an older guy/gal - it just sort of happened. In your case? I think you are hoping for more stability, less drama, more maturity, than what you "think" you get with a guy your own age. So I do think you NEED to figure out what it is that attracts you to older men. What is it that you THINK you can get from them that you can't from a guy your own age or younger.
I generally don't see anything "wrong" in age gaps - as LONG as both parties are over 25. I think at 25 most people have had SOME experience in life and with that, an age-gap relationship becomes more "even".
Whether this guy is a good one or not, who knows. It might be your taste in men (not just their age) that is what makes you go for me who doesn't treat you right.
SO look back. Those two "past" guys, I BET you that you got some red flags during the time you first met them and dated them that should have made you back away. See them, recognize them and KNOW what to do - walk away, work on them, etc.
And TAKE things slow. I think part of this is you have some fantasy fairy-tale notion that if a guy gives you butterflies he must be a great match! Not always, something it's just a chemistry thing. You CAN be physically attracted to not so great men. TAKE your time getting to know a guy. Before you get too emotionally invested. It's not just about you anymore, it's about your KID and you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 February 2016):
 Crushing on people is fine. You don't have to act out your feelings. Not all older guys are bad and use younger women to boost their ego or to prove they still have "it." Most unhealthy relationships today are of people who take value from a certain partner but give nothing in return. Younger men have not much motivation for relationships. Their priorities are survival or hanging out with buddies. The older guys made enough money so they want to cash it in and enjoy their reward. Then when they find out how tiring kids and family is, they get angry and disappointed that relationships are not all fun and games. Don't worry about relationships right now. Just focus on your daughter and get involved with social activities where people enjoy each other's company. I don't know if older men are your weakness. Maybe you feel older men are more accepting towards a ready made family than younger guys so you feel more comfortable with them. Maybe you should try a young single dad instead. It's easy to convince yourself a guy your age is right for you. Think about what a turn off it is to see balding hair but longer hair around the ears and eyebrows. Also wrinkles and saggy skin.
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