A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just can't seem to fall in love.Yesterday I had a date for the first time in years. I have a habit of saying "no" to people I'm not attracted to, but this time I figured, "why not say yes, the attraction might come later".I knew the guy from a joint project we both worked together on for 10 days and we got along well during that time. A month after we'd completed it he called me up and asked me out. Anyway, I had a good time yesterday. He shares a lot of the same interests and he's genuinely a good guy and he has a nice face. Basically perfect for me, if I look at it objectively. But I felt like I was going out with a friend. When the moment came when we going to say our goodbyes, the idea of potentially kissing him did not appeal to me at all. I guess he either picked up on that or maybe he felt the same way because it didn't happen, thank goodness.But at the same time, I feel bad. Here's a guy who would be great for me in many ways, and I'm just not attracted to him. I wasn't when we worked together and I'm still not after spending an entire day getting to know him better and looking into his eyes.I have had a lot of trouble finding boyfriends in the past because every guy I dated or even entered in a relationship with wasn't anything more to me than a friend. And I had sex with a few because I knew they wanted it, but it was never something I wanted for me, it was just something to get over with for someone else. I have felt attraction to people three times in my entire life and in all those times it was close after meeting them. Nothing ever came of it though because those people were either not interested in me or taken, and I don't pursue unavailable people. It's been long enough since I've felt attracted to anyone that I've begun to wonder if I just made it up. Is attraction something that happens over time?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 February 2016):
 Ask yourself what is it that you find attractive in a man? You need to know what you are looking for before beginning to date someone. Yes attraction can grow, but I think there needs to be a spark there if you want a relationship with someone. Maybe you are very fussy and want what you can't have? Maybe you are afraid of rejection?
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