A
female
age
41-50,
*omoredrama
writes:I have been dating an older man for almost a year. I am twenty seven and he is forty five. He is a good man as far as paying the bills and helping me raise my daughter. Our sex life has been dwindling lately and every time I try to talk to him about it, he gets angry and blames the lack of sex on arguments weve had in the past, suggesting that if I would just not confront him on anything, then he would be more willing to have sex with me. Lately I have been doing everything I can think of to make him happy and not upset him...but I am still sexually frustrated. I am an attractive woman and I have never had to ask for sex. I am filled with self-doubt and insecurities because of it. I don't know what else I can do to peak his interest...Suggestions?
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insecure, older man, sex life, sexually frustrated Reply to this Question
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male
reader, jimrich +, writes (21 September 2010):
re: I am filled with self-doubt and insecurities because of it.
... This is very DAMAGING to your daughter who needs good parental role models so she doesn't end up RUINED.
first of all, you need to boost and improve your own self esteem/worth FOR YOUR CHILD'S SAKE. Only you can give your self the gift of good self respect. google: self worth
re:Our sex life has been dwindling lately and every time I try to talk to him about it, he gets angry and blames the lack of sex on arguments weve had in the past,
.... The solution here is to LEARN HOW to communicate better and get what you both want. google: relationship tips and learn how FOR YOUR CHILD'S SAKE!
good luck - your daughter needs and deserves to have good parental role models.
A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (21 September 2010):
 Libido declines with age. You should be aware that this is a common problem when the age gap is as you've described it. You're probably nearing the prime of your appetite while he's on the decline. It has NOTHING to do with you, your looks or your ability to attract a man.
Depending on how important an active sex life is to you, you may want to re-evaluate your relationship.
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A
female
reader, Nomoredrama +, writes (21 September 2010):
Nomoredrama is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your replies! I will take all your suggestions into consideration:-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): I think he is having libido issues and most likely are due to low testosterone. Men start decreasing their testosterone at a very early age (mid 20's to early 30's). This decreas is slow and gradual, not like women's menopause which is like falling off a cliff. Men adjust to this gradual decreas in testosterone until it reaches a point where they body parts are not working as before (mood changes then come because men are very concerned with their manhood; a very delicate subject). My recommendation is for him to go to a doctor of his trust and ask for a testosterone profile test and estradiol (very important this last one). There is one website that deals with this issue; here is the link: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/hypogonadism2/
Either you join the group or he does and openly discuss the issues. I already went through that period and I am in testosterone replacement therapy (with a doctor) and my sex life is better than when I was a teenager (I am 52). I hope he allows you to enter in this delicate world of his sexuality and allows to be tested and then treated.
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (21 September 2010):
 Kidnap him and have your dirty way with him! lol The thing is, he might be "feeling" his age. As age goes up, libido sometimes goes down and he might blame his lack of interest on you because there's no way he's going to admit that he's sexually dwindling to his younger, hot girlfriend. Also, he might be extremely stressed and that could put sex at the very back of his mind. But, instead of asking, try and take hehe Get him comfortable when he comes home, make his fav dinner and drink, let him watch his football and relax. At bedtime, put on something jaw-dropping and come out and give him that "come hither" look. Crawl into bed and whisper something equivalent to "I want you" in his ear. Men luv to be seduced too! If he hesitates, somethings up. Don't get angry. Lay your head on his chest and gently ask if something's wrong. Does he not find you sexy? Most likely, he'll say ur gorgeous and maybe then tell u whats going on. If not, dont push. He'll either tell u when hes ready or fix it himself. Be patient.
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A
female
reader, Red591 +, writes (21 September 2010):
 tell him this is not working. If he does nothing to change it then find a guy who is more into you. If he is having a medical problem though, some men will do anything to avoid dealing with it and lash out at people who may force them to see the problem. Tell him that you are willing to do whatever it takes if its a medical thing but if he refuses to do anything to resolve the situation then end it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): Well, tons of guys have been in your situation and get called "pigs" for wanting it more than the woman. Usually their only option is to have sex only when she allows them to and repress their desires the rest of the time. So man up and do the same. Learn what it's like. You said he is a good man in every other way. He pays the bills without pressuring you for sex. Other women would call that a dream come true.
Or if you've got some money, plan a trip somewhere sensual and stay in a nice hotel. Sometimes people need different and better surroundings to get back in the mood.
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A
male
reader, BassiveMalls +, writes (21 September 2010):
 My only theory is that he is suffering from ED maybe. It could be from stress or just old age. Exercise should remedy the situation and should reduce the stress. Maybe you could suggest that he take up running?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010): These are the kind of questions I dislike as the man you described is a little older than my dad. So mentioning anyone in that age group and sex.. creeps me out a shade.
But anyhow!.. Haven't you thought maybe the reason for why you're always sexually frustrated is because you're a 27 year old heathly, normal woman with a normal/high sex drive. He's 20 years older than you, there's going to be a slight difference in sex drives at least. This is where the problem normaly kicks in with dating older people.
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