A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I think i need some opinions because am at a crossroads!Sooo I will have to start from the beginning so it makes sense. When I was 14 I went out with a lad I went to school with and afterwards we generally stayed in touch. He got diagnosed with cancer at 16 (we're the same age) and he came out of hospital about 2 months ago and he pops round to say hi and catch up every now and again and lets me know how things are getting on. But with the cancer and everything he's been through, he's a completely different person, so grown up and not the stupid brassy scouse kid he was 4 years ago, and i'm getting completely soppy over it! Anyway we were chatting today in my kitchen as usual and he told me about all the other patients he got close to that had died and 2 of them had the same kind of cancer he had, he told me how scared he was about it possibly coming back and that if it did come back he wouldnt do the Chemotherapy again which means he would eventually die if it comes back. He started crying and I saw the real and vunerable side of him and I loved that he felt he could share all this with me etc... He wants to start seeing me but I said to him from the beginning that with me going off to uni in September I didnt want to start anything up because I don't think long distance relationships work. But now things are different, I want to live my life but I also don't want to miss out on my chance to possible give him the love he so much needs as all his friends have written him off thinking he can't do the things he used to do(like be a idiot really) If he only has a few years left I dont want to miss out but again I'm moving away so I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice because I've never known anyone with cancer and this kind of thing doesnt exactly have a guidebook ????? Thanks for reading if you stayed with it!
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female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (12 May 2011):
 Hello,
Just evaluate your role and ask yourself if you are tring to be a rescuer in this situation. Sometimes, there is a need to rescue people and our own needs are not being fulfilled. That's all. Good luck in what you do.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): I'm currently battling cancer myself so I know how this young guy feels. I too know people who have died because the cancer spread from it's original location to another site so I feel very lucky to perhaps get a few more years, rather than just the one year prognosis they originally gave me! The thing is, a friend said to me at the beginning of my battle "you could walk out the door tomorrow and get run over by a bus", so live your life to the full. It's true. What's to say something doesn't happen to you! No one knows when our time will eventually be up so forget the cancer and concentrate on experiencing a potentially great relationship x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): Ah bless you. It sounds as if you are being a good friend to him. His illness will have got rid of the boy and produced the man. He has had to grow up fast. If you now see qualities in him that are attractive to you. Then a relationship might work. Bare in mind though that he is probably suffering from depression right now. Cancer leaves a lot of survivors with some form of depression, sometimes its brief, sometimes it goes on for years. If he isnt having any counselling, maybe you could suggest it because although its nice he is able to talk to you. The burden he carries might be too much for you to try and help with. Some childhood cancers are very curable if caught in time and it sounds as if your friends was. So he could have a long life ahead of him. If you feel a relationship is too much for you to cope with, what with everything going on. You can always just be friends. He might want a relationship with you but if there are too many variables, then continuing the friendship for now, might be the best option. So dont make him any promises. Instead, as a friend, try and become more involved in his life. Ask if he will allow you to go along to any doctors appointments. And ask his doctor any questions you have. It might sound harsh but that would give you a 'heads up' about everything and help you reach a decision about whether you could cope with all eventualities or not as his partner. It might be better to do that during firendship, rather than to try dating him only to find a little way down the road that you cant cope and end up hurting him and suffering all sorts of guilt. All the best to you both.
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A
female
reader, confusedgal1909  +, writes (12 May 2011):
ask yourself this... would you date this person if he DIDNT have cancer...
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A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy  +, writes (12 May 2011):
 Throroughly and honestly examine your reasons for wanting to date this person, as I'm sensing a little bit of bleeding heart lover syndrome and a bit of panic and pity coloring your decision.
NEVER go out with someone out of pity, it hurts them so much more in the long run. Make sure your reasons are pure, truly pure, not reasonably pure, not fairly pure or arguably pure, TRULY PURE! BEFORE you do anything.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (12 May 2011):
 Go for it. Cancer is curable and I believe in miracles. God willing, this guy might be able to conquer cancer and if both of you are together then it would be wonderful!!
OP he's not idiotic and immature like kids his age because he has been through something that most people cannot imagine going through in their lifetime. Now that he's been through hell and back, he's seen the darkest side of life and how bad it can get. He has his life to worry about, and when other people your age can live life the way they want to, this guy cant. But that doesnt mean he shouldnt even get a chance.
Even if you're moving away, give it a shot. Long distance relationships dont always work, but sometimes they do. And you could very well be a success story, because your foundation is built on a relationship that is so strong. If you have the maturity to handle this thing, its going to work. You sound like a wonderful person...not many people your age would want to get into something so deep. I wish you all the best and I hope this guy recovers soon..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): Girl I say take that chance! Go for it
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