A
female
age
30-35,
*ethy2010
writes:This is probably the hardest thing I have ever been through. My boyfriend and I met this year, our first year in college. He was my neighbor in the dorms before he moved out to another hall so we got to know each other very well. We started talking immediately, I'd say because we had a strong connection. A month and a half later he asked me to be his girlfriend. We have been officially dating for a month and I can honestly say we have strong feelings for each other. My hometown is far and he lives about five minutes from campus so he is always with me because I tend to feel home sick and lonely. I consider him my best friend, my only friend. We have had small jealousy problems because I am very friendly and have conversations with guys who he had heard "are attracted to me", but other than that I love our relationship. Yesterday he left home, and when he came back he asked to talk to me. He looked really sad and he didn't know what to say. He handed an envelope to me and they were ultra sound pictures.. his ex girlfriend is now 5 months but he didn't know all along. I was shocked and didn't say anything because I knew I would ball out crying, In my mind i knew it was over. I know he's a very responsible guy and knew he would want to work things out with his ex just for his baby. We know he doesn't love her but he grew up without a father and always tells me that he doesn't want the same for his children. However, he tells me he wishes that was me, that he doesn't want to leave me because he's falling in love with me, and doesn't know what to do. He says that he can't change what happened he has no more to say, he is leaving everything to me and I don't know what to do!! He cares about me so much that he respects my decision if I don't want to be with him because he doesn't want to put me through something that I have nothing to do with, he doesn't want to see me suffer because of him, but he also doesn't want us to go our separate ways because we both feel like we can make our relationship long term. I am starting to love this guy, he makes me really happy but the situation doesn't let me sleep. I wish it wasn't true. I want to stay with him, but is that the right decision?
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female
reader, bethy2010 +, writes (1 November 2010):
bethy2010 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much! This is probably the best advice given to me so far. Everyone either has says leave him or stay with him. When I am with him, nothing else matters I am as happy as can be and I forget about the whole situation, but hours after he leaves the situation seems to haunt me. I really just want to see him happy and I am willing to do whatever it takes to see that happening. I just can't sleep, or focus on anything wishing that it was me having his baby not someone else.
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 There is no wrong decision to be had here. Both choices will without a doubt be difficult but both will have their blissful beauty.
If you leave him, it will no doubt hurt for a while, perhaps a few days or perhaps a few weeks even but, in the end you will manage to move on from him and you will be happy and free to find someone else.
If you stay with him, you will have to do so knowing that he is going to be torn between you and his future and his child. Undoubtedly he will learn to manage if he is truly as responsible as you say. You may even meet his child more often and it will come to understand later on what has been happening. Life will be messy at first but eventually with perseverance it will clear up and you two will have a chance at a bright future together.
It really depends on how much you love this man. Do you truly see a future with him? If you do, feel free to stay by his side. If you feel that this is not something you can handle, feel free to leave him and move on. Whatever choice you make, you will find happiness in the end, with him or without him.
I hope that helps.
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