A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 25 and once again single. I've broken up with my girlfriend of the past three months, because whenever I want to do something she always makes excuses, and always tries to do those things I want to do if there's something in it for her. She wasn't always like this, and she used to be a fairly fun person to hang out with. But, I guess the bigger problem is, whether it's online of offline, as this relationship was. I keep getting girls who're chameleons, and change after only a few months. They can't even at least be decent enough to just show that they're a, you know what, on the first date. I'm rather sick of women in general. So I'm wondering if first of all, what I'm feeling is normal? If I should just give up with relationships altogether? And also if anyone has additional advice to give me in terms of not being played like this anymore, since it is a waste of my time to deal with people like this. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): If you follow the advice above I think you would need to be very tactful or you could easily offend a sincere woman. If you start demanding honesty she will think you are distrustful and have issues. Those of us without issues and baggage do not feel the need to set out ground rules, so if our date does this we see red flags.Look, you're only 25, so you've had a few bad experiences, well so have we all, you're much too young to get so jaded. Forget about dating for a while until you get your optimism back.Everyone is on their best behaviour in the early days of a new relationship, so take it slow and try not to get too emotionally involved until you have got to know the real person inside. Have more meaningful conversations to find out if her values are the same as yours.There are many flakes and players on the internet, and others with serious character flaws, but there are also many good genuine people, and testimonies abound from those who have found true love online and have been married for x number of years to someone they met on the internet.I am older than you and have had many disappointments but I am not giving up!
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (4 February 2009):
 Well you mention "offline or online" so I can only assume you are meeting these women on the internet. While this works for some people, in my experience people you meet on the net are always going to change after a few months - that is why they are single and using the internet to meet people!Take my most recent ex. I met him online, we started chatting and got along great. We met up a few times and fell in love, he was the perfect gentleman. He was loving, kind and generous. A few months he changed into a complete a*hole to be honest. He became lazy, uninterested and rude towards me. In the end he was even violent - a complete change from the person I first met. I would advise you to stop going online to meet women, you will only meet the wrong sorts. And stop looking so hard for a girlfriend - as soon as you stop looking then someone will come along. There is a lot to be said for spending some time alone, and being happy and comfortable with yourself. Once you achieve this, then you will attract the right sort of person.Dont give up but dont try so hard either! Good luck!
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