A
female
age
41-50,
*ixieGwen
writes:I'm a little confused my "bf" and i have an odd relationship.We see and speak to each other almost daily.I go over at night mainly - we go out, watch movies, play pool etc.When drunk he practically loves me and seems insecure, jealous..fiesty. He says things like how much he likes me, how much of a good girl I am/that thats rare - that i have a good heart, why do i like him, he says if i knew the real him i wouldnt like him, wants me to leave hickeys/pda, "you know u love me,..well like me" and then waits for a response. i assume he thinks i love him and is waiting to hear it? but i always say " i like u alot". Hes also lovey dovey when ive slept over he likes to cuddle and what not and we've established we're not seeing other people and he says he doesnt want me to see others but when we're apart i dont know how to feel.I feel if i were to msg him that id be bothering him considering i dont hear from him until evening. He is an unemployed alcoholic.He said that he feels like a loser for not having his own place by this age, and it seems he feels pressured to have alot of money, car - be established right away. i guess hes currently tryin to get it together.He says he has two modes - work and make money mode = no drinking/no partying. or his regular/party mode = drinking/partying..staying up late. I dont think he knows how to balance..and im not sure if or where i fit in. i told him all of my concerns and he tells me not to feel this way, that he likes me but its hard to have heart to hearts w/ him cos alot of the time hes been drinking. he's not a sloppy drunk but i feel like im repeating myself and i dont want to be a nag. i know we like each other alot but its hard for me to feel secure ..maybe cos theres no label on what we are but i also feel its the wrong time to even try to establish that when he doesnt even have his shit together. i dont have it all either but i KNOW how to balance a relationship, work etc.I like him alot and I just wanna make this work and not worry.sorry if this doesnt make sense.Opinions?
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alcoholic, drunk, insecure, jealous, money Reply to this Question
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female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (23 April 2010):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the question ive never dated someone who drinks this much so his behavior was odd to me and i tend to overanalyze or worry. so thankyou for responding :) yeah... i guess ill try to accept it and enjoy the good parts (which there is plenty..its just unbalanced) and i guess if and when i get fed up.. just stop dating him.its a shame.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 April 2010):
 Alcoholic people have a tendency to be loving and affectionate when they are drunk- and distant,selfish and self absorbed when they are not. You can't have a balanced relationship with an alcoholic because it's his whole life that's out of balance. And heart to heart talks do not work so well because you may be making some sort of meaningful headway when he's sober- and he'll completely forget about it the first time he gets drunk.
Options ? I guess either you accept the situation as it is and try to make the best of the fun times you have together - if any, or you just leave him and find yourself a guy without a chronic drinking problem.
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