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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: My husband reconnected with an old high school friend whose a girl. The've had two lunch dates together since they've met in Sept 09 and they continue to communicate over the phone or facebook. The girl is also married and my husband tells me that besides another male in the group he was closest to her. They share a lot of interest and have a lot of commonalities. They have never dated in the past but my husband had a secret crush on her when they were in high school. He's been honest with me about her and he answers everything I ask about her. Should this be cause for concern? Can a married man have a platonic relationship with another woman? I need to know before I jump to conclusions. Please help....
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2010): Your husband is being honest with you that part is good...One thing I want to add to the comment below, to C grant's comment, is notice how he says that when he was in a similar situation and reconnected with an old flame/friend/crush, he "had a nice lunch with her." SINGULAR. He didn't have two lunches with her, and follow up emails and phone calls, No. He said he had a nice lunch with her and that was that. He had no interest in her anymore.
Your husband is married. I think your husband should have met up with her, had a nice lunch with her...and leave it there. I do find it a bit suspicious and unecessary that they are in touch as much as they are given that they are both married. Its a matter of respect, in my opinion.
But maybe you are a very open-minded woman and if you are, more power to you. I know I am a bit conservative. Sometimes there is no right or wrong answer, its simply a matter of what feels right to you or not.
However, my advice to you is keep an eye on things...I wouldn't like my husband having this kind of consistent open line of communication with another woman. It seems a bit much. If they went out to lunch ONCE since sept and maybe talked ONCE, that's fine. But it seems a bit much to me...its crossing a boundary I think...And whatever you do DO NOT FREAK OUT! Relax...If this continues, maybe casually bring it up...DO NOT GO BALLISTIC. Be calm, rational, cool.
A
female
reader, Just Diana  +, writes (23 April 2010):
 Hmmmm, I am not sure I would like it if my husband was facebooking or sharing this sort of interaction with another woman. Not due to insecurity, actually if I am honest, yes some insecurity, however more due to REALITY! I do not think this is healthy. I think he is being emotionally unfaithful. And yes a man can have a platonic relationship, but one where you the partner is present at the lunches and have access to the correspondence. paranoia....no.....again, just reality.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (23 April 2010):
 Can it be platonic? Yes.
He had a crush on her 30 years ago. The chance that the crush could be rekindled 30 years later is, if not nil, close to it. Way too much water has passed under the bridge. Your husband is no where near the person he was 30 years ago. Nor is she. There's nothing left in common for them to rekindle.
How do I know? I reconnected with a similar situation. I'd slept with her in 1981. There was no chance it would happen again. None. Don't sweat it. If it was over, it was over. But we had a nice lunch together, with no sexual tension whatever.
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