A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi , i recently asked on here for advice about asking a friend on a date he said he would think about it and the advice was to let him have 3-4 days to get back to me . well its been 8 days he hasnt made any effort to contact me at all , i have resisted the urge to message him . I have a feeling hes going to say stay friends but im at the point of i cant be bothered with him at all, this no contact has put me off him . it doesnt take over 8 days to say yes or no to a date , the only reply i have for him is to say , 'obviously im too good for you then ' but i havent thought what to say if he suddenly says yes lets go on a date apart from no and an explanation saying it doesnt take so and so days to reply yes or no to going on a date due to being so hesitant i take back my offer of a date and your not getting it again . does this sound ok or do i just block and delete him ? mind sound a bit over the top but for a few days ive been thinking how flakyhe really is with people Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 July 2016):
 OP, you came here for advice and you GOT advice, pretty unanimously which is not to put yourself in position to be pitied or laughed after by this guy. You want to say something that makes it look like you don't care and you come up on top anyway, but most probably you will only sound " butt hurt ".
Of course, as it often happens, when an OP does not like the advice she is given because it does not coincide with what she had in mind to do anyway, - you are taking it as a " beating down " , a personal attack. While the spirit in which the advice , right or wrong that it may be, was given was to spare you further emotional turmoil and possible humiliation.
Your plan may be smarter than ours, and your idea more brilliant than ours, who knows . But if you are so cocksure about that anyway , then why asking for advice, and why getting offended if other people's life experience and common sense says something contrary to your own game plan.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (13 July 2016):
 OP, how much did you like him? You're acting quite attached and in an unhealthy way. You don't need to tell him you're too good for him or continue to be hung up on him not replying.
Some counselling may be a good idea.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2016): op - the only reason id accept a date is if he had a good enough reason and proof to why hes been silent like ill health i dont expect hospital papers im not that odd. I came for advice not a beat down . Honeypie i will take on board what you said you thought of a better way for me to reply to him , thanks
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (13 July 2016):
Bad idea. If after having been brushed off you tell him
" I am too good for you " , he will inevitably read it as
" sour grapes " ; that's what it will sound even if it's not true.
Plus, I think we all have to be coherent or at least make an effort to be.
Your previous post on July 4th asked how long were you supposed to wait for an answer and you said yourself " I know that over a week is not acceptable ".
Well, if you know that a silence of over a week is not acceptable, then why would you ACCEPT a date if it is offered tomorrow, or next week, or next month ? Why are you even considering that ?
Everyone is free to set their own boundaries as they see fit - then they should respect them , though, not keep stretching them according to some other person's convenience.
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A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (13 July 2016):
 Telling him you are too good for him is definitely childish. I agree. It's just completely unnecessary.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 July 2016):
 I still say TAKE the high-road and be thankful that you actually dodged a bullet, but showing him (especially) that you are NOT one bit phased with his lack of interest (even if you are and that is OK) - you just taper off the communication and stick to your other friends.
Now IF he in a month or so say hey, you still want to date? You can say I think my standard is a little higher than that, thanks for asking though.
But making a big deal out of it, you basically GIVE him the power to affect you, so be chill... phase him out. And take this a learning experience, you have found that a guy who doesn't really know what he wants when asked.. probably isn't interested and dating a flaky person is NOT for you.
So all in all, you now know where you stand and you dodged a bullet, seems like a win to me.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 July 2016):
 you say you don't intent to be childish therefore you shouldn't tell him you are two good for him. That makes you look childish and arrogant. You knew he was flaky, so why even bother? Did you think you could break the mold? Just get on with your life and don't say anything to him, he owes you nothing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2016): op, again . telling someone im too good for them is not childish at all its letting them know ive realised im not a piece of rag and deserve someone who will treat me with respect . The flaky bit i found out more after i asked him out , i understood it to of happened just the once but ive since found out its quite a few times .
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (12 July 2016):
 If you already knew he had a track record of being a flake then you DEFINITELY shouldn't take it personally, that's just who he is/where he is in life. Although I don't know why you would have wanted to date such a guy in the first place or why you would take offense to his behavior towards other women. Time to look for someone more available!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 July 2016):
 OP you do realize that the plan to "tell him I'm too good for him" is rather childish don't you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2016): im the op . I dont intend on being childish or aggressive or over the top with him i plan on just saying it simple and hold back my emotions . Its things hes done in the past which makes me 'appear' over the top with my reaction. An example is he arranges a date the woman goes the hair dressers gets new outfit books the day / night off work for him to call last minute to say hes tired hes done this a couple of times , he treated the woman like hed been seeing her for months when he hadnt even got past the first date. Ok so after reading everyones advice ill just get on with life if he replies no then ill tell him im too good for him ( thats how im feeling ) if he says yes to the date ill go with no expectations and if he cancels last minute ill treat it like im not bothered and get on with life without dating him
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 July 2016):
Agreed that blocking him is over the top
use it as a learning experience and move on.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (12 July 2016):
Don't say anything at all and don't block him either. Just go about life as per usual.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (12 July 2016):
This would be an adolescent reaction, if I'm honest, OP. Rejecting someone, like being rejected, isn't easy for most people. Cindy is right that you're kicking up an unnecessary fuss and that's probably something he was trying to avoid, as well as not hurting your feelings.
Why, I'm curious, would this be your reaction?
I think you should let it go, move on and accept that he's not the right one for you :)
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (12 July 2016):
Yes , it would be over the top. Be a class act and forget the whole " Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned " thing.
After all, this guy did not OWE you a date.
You may object that he owed you, though, a reply out of common courtesy, and I 'd have to agree with you.
But I can sort of put myself in his shoes- rejecting is as difficult as being rejected, - he did not know exactly what to say, and , I guess, he feared that his rejection would not have gone down too well , and you would have kicked up some fuss. And, actually, your post here is sort of proving him right..
Anyway - I 'd say, just dust yourself off and move on. You have found out he is flaky ? This is a good thing- that you found it out without even dating. Lots of people start things unconvinced, just for the heck of it, only to flake out after few dates . In a way, you have dodged a bullet.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 July 2016):
I'd just chill. I think it's natural that you feel hurt over being "silently" rejected as a potential date, but to go to the extend of block and delete? To me that seems over the top reaction.
What I'd do instead is just let the "friendship" quietly run out in the sand without being over dramatic.
Up to you though.
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