A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was using my girlfriends email (she knows i know the log in) because my email wasn't working. I came across something that hurt me deeply. When she was with her ex, they exchanged n'udes and videos. I have no idea what to think, and i can't get the sight of the pictures and videos out of my head. How can I forget this happened? She knows I have found these and explained them to me, she was begged by her ex (when they were together) and she did them, but now regrets it because he showed other people. But I need help with forgetting what I saw. Since I've seen this, I've been nothing but paranoid. Help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): If the photography and the exchange of pictures happened before you met your girlfriend then then you cannot criticise her. We all do things we live to regret and it sounds like your girlfriend has paid her own price and is not proud of what happened. She indulged her boyfriend in his fantasy and it seems he used her. I would not want to keep such photos myself - if the relationship became painful why remind yourself. Best she deletes these images? As for what you have seen I understand this - it is hard enough imagining your loved one ever with someone else let alone seeing explicit evidence. I think you need to really understand (perhaps talk again) the context and how your girlfriend felt at the time and since. Appreciating her feelings will help you come to terms with it all. You also need to work harder at making your own relationship closer so you don't feel so threatened by the past.
A
male
reader, mondie  +, writes (2 April 2009):
That was something she did in the past before she met you. I know you want to be the only one who 'knows' her but she has a sexual past and she was entitled to pursue it however she wanted to. We all do things we might wish we hadn't but you are making it tougher for her by disapproving when there is nothing you can, or could have, done about it, since you didn't exist for her then. Your togetherness is in the present and you need to accept she is not a virgin, has had past boyfs. and has had pics of herself taken that other people have. You do not own her, you are just lucky to have her so be sanguine about things and just enjoy the fact that other people cannot presently see in the flesh what you can
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A
male
reader, Ronaldron  +, writes (2 April 2009):
well mate who doesn't hav a past....u might be just lucky enough to hav a good past.it's just like will you care about this girl less just cuz u found that she's not a virgin, same stuff, if you really do cherish this girl and believe that she's someone who deserves being treated nice...that's enough.i'm not saying that u hav to forget about it, cuz it's basicaly impossible, i'm saying that u hav to accept that there's a past for everyone, and it's the PAST while your the PRESENT, which is the most important..anyway..hope you can get through this, i personally dont think it's such a big issue as long as ur mature enough to handle it...good luck
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A
female
reader, keepitreal03  +, writes (2 April 2009):
Well this will be hard but hard for her too because the videos got out and will stay with her for ever. All u can do is tell ur self it was the past. And its old news now. And if u can't get over it then it will hurt ur relationship. But why did she keep it why not erase it all.
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