A
male
age
36-40,
*nil D
writes:PLEASE BEAR WITH ME PEOPLE ...IT IS A BIT LONG STUFFi have badly messed it up !! i broke up with my girlfriend 2 days ago telling her that our marriage is not possible because of our family problems. she called me yesterday and cried a lot saying she cant live without me and wants me back by hook or by crook! she said that she cant see me with some other girl and that we will manage to convience our families about our marriage. i care for her a lot and heartly love her. also we have been planning for our marriage since one year. although she has still completed her 16 we planned the things 7 years down the line! i pleaded to her to come out of it but she said that in this process she will lose me one day and that she doesnt want that to happen! very recntly i realiased that it is not gonna be our cup of tea and things can become too risky to handle as many factors are against us! so it is better that we stay as good friends atleast we wont lose each other in this way! i have tried every option available to make her understand very politely and honestly but it is worsening the things and is give my negative impression .. i am losing the respect in her! but she is very smart and playing her game very well. she just wants me in her life and if i let her do that she will surely make it and take me away like her barbie doll! yesterday she sounded quite threatening and we argued a lot! she is sensitive whereas i am a practical thinker and dont wanna get into the mess! basically more interested in being as a friend of her to avoid the hell. she is not of our caste so we will have to face many challenges and she will not be accepted by everyone. she has just lost it and have become crazy in the fear of losing me! she is not giving herself time to heal and come over the breakup and has become extremely PANICKY!!her behaviour has alerted me and is scaring me away! what action can i take ? what do i do ?? i cant explain her anymore as it is giving negative impression of me..i cant lose such a great and caring girl in this emotional trauma! she said she has come out of it but i know she is saying this out of anger and disappointment and this is not convincing to me! she wants me to atleast give it a try but i dont want to take the risk as her brother is alreay against me and will screw me if he comes to know about it! that will take her away from me! please advice me on this ...whose help can i take ? am i losing her forever ? am i doing right ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): I was in a similar situation about 8 months ago. My boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me because he was confused about how he felt and his family was pressuring him to be single (they wanted him to focus on school and thought I would distract him). When he broke up with me I "lost it" because 1. it was a complete shock to me. this guy promised me marriage and took my virginity 2. I knew deep down he still loved me but he was too much of a coward to stand up for our love against his family
After the breakup he wanted to be friends. I tried for his sake believing that he would snap out of it and come back to me. he came crawling back four times only to freak out again. You can only imagine the added heartache that gave me. Its been almost a year and my heart is still shattered.
He strung me along like you are doing to this poor girl. You say that you love her, and yet when things get tough you just give up and throw in the towel. If you truely love her, then grow up, get some courage and act like a man. Defend what you love. If you want to spend the rest of your life with this girl, you have to do everything you can to hold on to your relationship. The good things in life never come easy, you have to struggle for them. If your family cares about you, they will have to accept your decision, given time they will get over it. but thats no reason to throw away your relationship if you really love each other.
so take some advice from someone who has been there. If you dont love her, let the poor girl go on with her life. and by that cut all contact, none of that 'we will be friends' crap. BUT if you do love her, then be a man and fight for what you love. dont throw away a perfectly good thing because you were too scared to stand up for yourself and for her. Dont let your story end like mine did.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (2 April 2009):
Well if you say you love her you can at least talk to your family about it.
See how they will feel.
You have been very cruel to her by leading her on and then saying that it was basically all lies and will never happen.
If it truly cannot work then you just have to tell her you are sorry and cut contact. You cannot be her friend. She will always want more. So just back away and do not take her calls.
I really really hope you did not promise her marriage and then have sex with her. That would be unforgivable.
Apologise to her and then leave the poor girl alone to recover.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, rndi lnn  +, writes (2 April 2009):
you are doing the worst thing possible!!! do not run screaming from her. if you care about her then be with her you idiot!!! she obviously loves you. you mean to say that you promised her forever and now you're breaking up with her even though you still care for her too. OMG!!! who gives a crap if her brother "will screw you". take one for the team. i mean my goodness. what's more important? your families with whom you will someday soon break away from to fulfill your adult lives, or the partner you love and could be with FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. think about it...and yes she is being a little crazy, but she's young and doesn't know yet how to deal with her emotions yet. give her time. she will learn. until then just be patient with her and do not go around saying she's lost it!! that will only make her feel worse.
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