A
female
age
36-40,
*essbelle
writes:My boyfriend and I just got back together after taking a break for a few weeks. I initiated the break because I just wasn't feeling respected or appreciated. He would forget to call me, not show up for a date and then have some lame excuse, saying he is sorry, but not changing the behavior. I decided to try again and I sense he is still really angry that I even asked for the break. Yesterday he said he was coming over at 2 and arrived at 4. I let it go. We went out last night with friends which he knew we were and he only had five dollars. I ended up paying like I usually do. He makes 5 times what I do. Other than that we had a nice time, great sex and just a lot of fun so I tried to be ok w/the other stuff.Today we had plans to hang out. He was supposed to come at lunch time and he didn't come. I called him and he didn't pick up twice (that happens a lot). When he called back he said he had to do some other stuff. I was annoyed at his lack of consideration as I could have done something else w/ my friends and he was just a real jerk. He said I was making a big deal about it and he didn't want to spend all day talking about it. When I said we had only spoken for a few minutes, he said, "yeah and I'm already bored". In a disgusted voice he said " so do you want to hang out or what?" I said no, not at all and hung up.I don't get it. Yesterday he was all mushy and all over me.... couldn't do enough to be sweet overall. Today he is mean and nasty. What is going on here?He is like a schizophrenic or something.He was desperate to get back with me and now that we are together he seems like he is not really showing me love and respect.We have been together for over 5 years.Why do I always want to call him when I know I shouldn't...or should I?Any insight would be appreciated.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (7 July 2009):
 It seems like while I can feel really sad for him, that's still no excuse for his behavior or you staying around. Yes, it's easy to pity him... and his Mom sounds like a huge challenge for him and your fella probably needs a good amount of counseling to get past their relationship.
BUT, don't feel bad because of this. Don't feel guilty about leaving him for a better life, better guy and better situation. Don't let his family and drama get you swept away with feeling like you should tolerate his attitude and life just so that you can save him. The bottom line is he doesn't treat you like he should, and you are wasting so much emotional energy with this relationship! You must be exhausted.
It is best for YOU to get out of this relationship. You need to focus on YOU and stop worrying about him. He'll be fine, believe that... even when he comes crying to you telling you all these stories and whining and begging. Not your problem. Ultimately, he will be fine and maybe will find someone who makes him happier... but you are the one who deserves a happier partner and life!
Good luck!
A
female
reader, jessbelle +, writes (6 July 2009):
jessbelle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks. I know it seems easy to just say it's over. I have given him a lot more latitude than I would another guy because of the home he came from. We have known each other since were were in grade school. He was a shy and sweet person who had a mother who controlled his every move. She still does in many ways. He was never allowed to go anywhere except my house once in awhile, nor did he ever invite anyone over to his house.
I suspect his mother is mentally ill and the whole family enables her. It is almost as if he has Stokholm Syndrome where the hostage identifies with his captor. The other family members are this way also. They have little contact with anyone outside of the house.
He has anger issues which are often misdirected at me. I guess I have always felt sympathetic and been able to see the good in spite of the bad. I know it is not my job to save him. I know I am making excuses for his bad behavior. It is just more complicated for me because of all of this.
Any thoughts about this?
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (6 July 2009):
I really agree with Peter Pan. I'm not really sure why you let this guy back into your life, and why you are continuing to let him get away with the same things he was doing to you before! He hasn't learned, he hasn't changed and he's clearly not as committed to this relationship as you are. You deserve much better than this, and I really think that even though he is desperate to have you around, his efforts just aren't good enough. You have him a second chance and he blew it...
It's time to leave him for good, sweetness! Good luck!
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (6 July 2009):
 My insight? I think you should have stuck to your guns and just called that relationship done. I don't know specifically what's making him run hot and cold like this, but the bottom line issue here is that you don't like it... you didn't like it well enough to tolerate it before, so you broke it off with him... now he's back and pulling the same crap as before... obviously, he didn't get the message and if you can honestly tell yourself that you've been point-blank with him and told him what's wrong here... and he hasn't listened... it's time to move on.
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