A
female
age
41-50,
*eacher119
writes: I have been married for almost 2 years and have a 2 month old son. My husband told me when I was 4 months pregnant that he "loved me but was not in love with me" and left. He said that "I deserved better" and many more cliched statements. I immediately suspected him of cheating, but did not have any concrete proof. A few months later I found the proof on facebook and confronted him about it. Of course he fessed up at that point and told me that she was a 19 year old I Hop waitress that he met while he was working out of town and she had been living with him ever since he left me. Every once in a while he would come back saying he was sorry and couldn't believe he had done this to our family, but would never back this up with actions. Now that our son is born he has kicked her out and swears he will do whatever it takes to get his family back and so far he is. Am I stupid to even be listening to him? I am of course very reserved and don't really know what to do. I do miss what we had and the person that I thought he was, I do wish we could be a family again. Is that possible? Am I wasting my time? Help!!!
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female
reader, SillyB +, writes (20 May 2010):
 I don't know about this one...
He left you while you were PREGNANT. What a dog! When he should have been protecting you, comforting you, caring for you and his unborn child he instead was dating a 19 year old.
1. He sounds like a man with no heart. Do you want a man like this in your life, who drops you when things get tough or complicated?
2. He sounds like he doesn't love you. When you love someone you would never walk out on them like this
3. It sounds like his little 'relationship' (ahem sex with a 19 year old) wasn't going anywhere. She bored him most likely talking about Miley Cyrus and other stupid teenage things. Not to mention she probably was not financially independent fully. Dating a teenager can get old! So, now he runs back to you?
The other things you need to think about, can you forgive him? Will having him around bring more pain into your life - will you be reliving him leaving you & sleeping around with someone else every time you see him at home? Will you trust him again?
To me it sounds like a situation full of heartache. I wouldn't go back. I wouldn't ever allow him back into my life.
good luck and please update us!
A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (19 May 2010):
 If he's willing to put up the collateral and demonstrate with hard concrete actions that he means what he says? I'd say at the very least give him a shot at explaining himself. I'm usually not an advocate of leopards changing their spots, but perhaps he made a huge, costly mistake in judgement? If he's genuinely ready, willing and able to be a good man and father and conduct himself properly, I'm in favor of a repaired, functioning family. At least hear what he has to say and what he's willing to offer as concrete proof of intent and direction. I don't suggest throwing caution to the wind, but just maybe he's learned a thing or two from this. We all make colossal mistakes in this life, as a wise man once said-it's the price of admission. If you do decide to give it go: confirm, absolutely, that Miss teenie bopper is long gone, though. Cautiously trust (once he's earned it) but verify!
If he's willing to demonstrate in no uncertain terms just how sincere he is, then it's certainly worth the effort to give your child a good family life. Remember: trust but verify! I'd require up front collateral and take nothing on his word alone, however.
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (19 May 2010):
 I wouldn't let him back in right now. Let him prove it!
I am wondering if he had this planned the entire time and thought he would go back to you once the baby is born.
I would move on but I know it's not easy where you have a baby with him. I wouldn't let him out of the doghouse for months though. Also if you do find the strength to leave him...please do! You don't deserve him!
Good Luck and if you ever want to talk feel free to contact me!
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