A
male
age
30-35,
*ylerSage
writes:Hi,I have too much problems to list out here today, but my main concern is a lack of a relationship and friends.It seems I have intimidating face based on how people respond to me and these days i have a hard time smiling so it makes it even worse.I've never been in relationship with anyone so it makes me feel like a needle in a haystack. Sure there are others like me but they are few. I have a really hard time relating to people, music, movies because I've never experience half the things the average human has.I feel my personality is changing a bit. I just feel.... blank these days. My emotions are hard to control. I can't smile when others are happy and I can't cry when others are sad. I can even look at horrific murderers or deaths without flinching an eye.I live with an abusive mother but I'm trying to move out soon but I need to be prudent to avoid having to move back in. My friends are no good. I discarded most of my long time high school and college friends within the last few months. One was completely unreliable, i couldn't depend on him for ANYTHING he even seemed to match the symptoms of a psychopath. The most recent was my best friend and my worst friend at the same time. Long story short she was shallow, vindictive, lacked ambition and had the pride of a peacock on steroids. Nothing and no one comes before it.I try to follow the law of attraction daily but I've started to get very exhausted by it. Waiting for results im not seeing. Smiling when I don't feel like smiling. Convincing myself I'm happy when I'm not.Plus I'm gay. I act like a masculine guy but I'm more of an artsy type rather than a jock. Blending in with others can be hard an I usually don't succeed. People usually like me at the end of the day but I never make deep rooted connections with anyone. I'm just OK with everyone. Most of the people at work claim to hate gay men and I feel like I'd need to put up a show when at work sometimes especially when they start talking about women. So it makes it harder to give myself to them because I may be harassed an hurt because of it.I do have about a 5% interetest in women. Naturally the only way is trying to court one but my interest is low. How can I try a straight relationship if I have little passion for one but I want to find out f I have greater feeling for women than I think.How can I be more happy? How can I blend in with straight people? How can I make friends with my intimidating/ bitch resting face? How do I pursue a woman when my interest to do so is low but I'm curious to find out about my feelings for them?Please help. I don't get much advice from anyone.I really try to be positive and I am but it's hard to constantly do it 24/7.PS: I live in Jamaica which as some of you might know hates gay people. Funny enough half of the men here are bi-curious on the DL. So stuff like groups and clubs don't exactly exist here and sometimes when I find a particular opportunity I feel like I don't fit with they type sof gay guys there either.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 March 2016):
 Yes start by getting yourself to a doctor, it sounds like you have depression, you need help with that first. Second if you are working well then move out and get your own place if your mother is abusive. The people you work with who say they don't like gay men are nothing but cowards and bullies. They sound very shallow. If you don't feel you can be open and honest with them well that is your choice, but I would not try and be friends with them, as you don't need people like that in your life. If it was me I would hold my head up high and be proud to say I am gay. Yes it might be difficult in your country, but you should be proud of who you are. Have you tried online dating? It might be worth a shot. If you want to experiment with girls well then you should, nothing is stopping you, you are only young and you have your whole life ahead of you, so please get some help and kick this depression, good luck.
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (27 March 2016):
 You sound chronically depressed and we aren't really able to help you with that on DC. You need to have time with a mental health professional. These days there is not the stigma there once was in admitting to being depressed. Find someone who can give you CBT. I hope things go well for you.
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