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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm recently single. I was with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, and he was my first boyfriend and the only guy I've had sex with and who has seen me completely naked. Being with him I discovered many truths of men, that I had been naive and blind to during my teenage years.Now I feel really insecure. I don't know how to stop it, it's stupid. I'm single, I shouldn't feel insecure, especially since I want to be single for a while. Maybe it's because I'm still not over him, but I feel insecure because each time I see a celeb that he drooled over, I feel awful about my body. Or when I notice my cellulite, which he once pointed out (and asked me if there was anything I could do about it). Or when I think about guys and porn, and that most likely any guy I have a relationship with in the future will watch porn and get off to the perfect bodies of porn stars. I don't care if it's "fantasy" or "just on the screen", they're bodies are perfect and mine isn't.I hate myself, not only for looking unattractive (I have small boobs, big thighs with cellulite, I'm slim but not toned, my face is just ok, not really hot...), but because I'm so vain to actually let all these thoughts get to me, I honestly can't stop them. Sometimes I'll be doing ok, like "my boobs aren't that bad after all" but then I see some celeb showing cleavage, or some guys drooling over some busty chick, and the confidence goes down the drain.I have also talked to many guys my age and they say that yes most guys prefer big breasts, that it's genetic, evolution, fertility, what have you and that it's something I'll just have to accept, that it doesn't matter if I'm not a ten, and that guys will never cease looking. But I want to be a ten, I want to be hot, I want a guy to want me and only me, and think I'm the hottest! I mean, with my ex I though about him that way, to me he was a ten and the only guy I wanted sexually, he was the hottest to me.I don't even have a great butt, because I have cellulite, so I'm screwed, I'm probably like a 4. I'm not overweight, so I'm even more screwed as it's not like I can become hot by losing weight.I don't know what to do.
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female
reader, Marielana28  +, writes (27 September 2010):
Hon, that guy has done quite the job on you. I divorced in my mid forties, and once I decided that I wanted to have sex again, I was shocked at how many men were lining up for me. My ex had me believing that my body was awful and fat and ugly. Men who LOVE WOMEN do not think like that. Go find one of those men - your first warning sign is if you are feeling good or bad about yourself after you see him. xo
A
female
reader, blahblahblahh  +, writes (14 September 2010):
 I've been there it's not nice and I know exactly how you feel. It's perfectly normal and more common than you think for women to be effected by this kind of thing trust me. My ex used to look at specific women, the same women all the time and even when he finally stopped through my misery, I couldn't get over it. The porn didn't bother me so much, but the specific people he looked at, nude celebrities it really got to me.
I say this all the time and I always will; the women in porn, and all these women your partner drools over are fake. They buy their bodies they put them selves together as if they're made in a barbie doll factory. The way I look at it, for so long I was unconfident and had that horrible feeling in my stomach every time I saw a celebrity on tv that my boyfriend looked at naked, and in the end I looked at them, thought long and hard to myself, and wondered what on earth I was angry and upset about. These women in my eyes are not 'perfect' they are mutilated with silicone! Perfect to me is natural beauty, which I'm sure you have even if you don't feel that way right now.
Look at these women, look twice, and realise how their looks are just bought how can you be jeleous of this? The fact that you are real makes you FAR more attractive and sexy than any of them are :)
Now secondly, your boyfriend asking you if you can do anything about the cellulite is very negative. I don't beleive he is caring enough towards you. That is rude and quite frankly pathetic. You should be with someone that finds you beautiful the way you are, good men are out there, really. You just have to be lucky to land yourself one. And thirdly, not all men are into fake pornstar women. Remember that. Go find yourself a gentlemen, trust me that's the only way you'll snap out of your misery, speaking from experience.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2010): Ok, first off DON'T get a tan. It's terrible for your skin in the long term... If you care about your skin, protect in from the sun, or you'll see it start to sag and wrinkle way too soon, like in your twenties... And as a woman, I can tell you from experience, that we women are way too critical of our bodies, all we notice is negative things, and never go looking for the positive. We pick and pick and pick at negative details. It is actually realistically possible to be a beautiful girl and actually think yourself ugly. That's how negative and warped about looks women can be. Look at all the beautiful celebrities with eating disorders that could stand to gain a few pounds. Why don't you look at the positive for a change? Your boyfriend certainly did, or else he wouldn't have been with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): I think you should take off all your clothes and look in a tall mirror and look at all the things you dont like and all the things you and i want you to see all the beauty that you do have !! And the rest you can change go to the gym, Go get a tan, or maybe change your hair. I was with a guy for a year and a half and he thought i was so sexy and i gained like 10Ibs i hated my body but i still walked around naked still wore low cutting shirts he even though i felt horrible about my body he sparked something inside of me to keep going and feel sexy about myself . Find something that makes you feel sexy about yourself.
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