A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:After leaving a long term relationship, that was based primarily on sexual attraction, I am dating a girl who attracted me more than just physically.We have been dating for about 5 months and have had anywhere from 25-30 sexual encounters. The first two times started and ended very badly. At first I questioned my sexual attraction to her, but her personality and the way she carries herself attracted me to her more. She is beautiful, intelligent, bright, funny and a wonderful person. I couldn't ask for a better partner. The only issue I have with her physically is that her body is not as curvy as all of my old girl friends. I noticed that I am more attracted to her body when her clothes are off. Though, it takes more time to "warm things up" than I've ever experienced (i'm usually ready to go at a moments notice (I'm usually ready to go with past girl friends). I've had momements of frustration where an erection doesn't seem 100% and on a couple of occasions I have gone "soft" on her. We have a great connection and chemistry otherwise, but it seems the instant animal attraction was never there. Each time we were together sexually it seemed to improve because the imperfections seemed to go away the more attached we became and the more frequently we had sex. Unfortuantely, I've only felt a 100% erection about twice with her. This could be due to ending a long term relationship with a very attractive girl and still coping with those issues, but my questions is, have any of you guys experienced this? I love her very much and would do anything for her, but I don't want to rob our relationship on the chance things might not work out sexually. But she has recently told me we have to remain sex-free (in all aspects) until marriage. This frustrates me greatly because I was just over coming my sexual attraction problems with her. Any help/advice appreciated.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): She would probably give you more sex if she liked and respected you less. This is called wanting to be treated badly.
A
male
reader, Boy Blue +, writes (27 January 2011):
I'm trying to solve my situation now by performing other sexual acts in bed. Basically I'm trying to allow myself to have new experiences with her and I'm slowly getting used to her. She is also realizing my own sexual turn ons that I didn't know myself. I believe I am getting there!
But I guess my solution only works if you were still having sex with her. You'll have to either wait till marriage or try to bring it up before you get married.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe wants to stay celibate for religious reasons. I am 100% certain of this... we have talked about the sex and we both said it got better as time went on and we (I) became more comfortable with it. I don't think she is doing this just to not have sex with me, she has a very high labido and is great in bed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBoy Blue,
Thanks for the reply. How long have you and your gf been togehter? Did you notice this in the begininning or did it just come to you one day? Do you have the same problems with your erection? Have you tried herbal supplements or anything of this nature to increase desire or what not? I think I will try new things but she has completely cut off all things sexually (not even aloud to see each other naked)...
Thanks for the information.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): Thank you for your reply. How in the world do I go about talking to her about this?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): Perhaps ask her why she really wants to remain celibate.I am a female and I suspect the reason she requested this is because she could tell you were having issues sexually with her and she wanted to see if you would stick around if sex were out of the picture. She may not do this consciously and in a manipulative way, but if a guy were having trouble in bed with me, I might find an excuse not to have sex. If she's as smart as she sounds, she can probably tell you're having trouble and it probably humiliates her a little.Perhaps the sexual issues don't stem from your ex that you are getting over... perhaps they come from the fact that you really like her and so she is a higher stakes sex partner? I could be wrong. Perhaps because you are "serious" about her, you have trouble feeling relaxed in bed?Why not ask her if she's happy with the sex and give her an opportunity to voice her concerns. Sex can be a lot better if you communicate.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): I think that she wants to take it a little slower. If this is also part of the case, if you really love her, you would go sex-less until marriage with her. Plus it would tell her that you love her and she'll know that you love her because you would be putting up with what she wants. Sometimes you have to do what the girl wants which in this case, she doesnt want sex until marriage. You're young. Take things slow. You have a long life ahead of you. Dont rush life. Good luck with her. I hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, HelpyMcHelperson  +, writes (26 January 2011):
It seems that while you have a great deal of affection for here you are not truly sexually attracted to her.
Do not accept this request outright, going into a marriage while you doubt your sexual chemistry with her would be a mistake, you should sit down and discuss what you are telling us with your partner.
I don't think the relationship will work without true, honest sexual attraction, but thats just me.
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A
male
reader, Boy Blue +, writes (26 January 2011):
I'm not sure what to tell you...my current gf and I are going through the same thing although she doesn't have any idea about it. I just don't have the heart to tell her but I know I will find some way to get around this. I look at it as one of those life hurdles. I'm sure your gf is everything you've always wanted mentally. And I know she can't help the way she looks the same way you can't help going soft etc. But you know, I think you can overcome it if you start thinking positively about it. Maybe all the denial of sex with make you want her more. I would say try to sexually frustrate her as well. Maybe you can figure out some ways to turn her on and tease her. Get her to want you. I don't think you should talk to her about it as yet but it wouldn't hurt to experiment a little bit. Basically I'm saying to try different approaches, just try something different in general. This way you may find something that will allow your body to adapt with hers.
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