A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've had a fwb type situation going on with this guy for about 3 years now. Not going to lie, I felt deeply for him and probably always will, and despite him wanting to keep things very casual I know that he felt something for me too. I started seeing another guy pretty seriously in January, and we decided to enter into a relationship together. This guy treats me like gold, which is why I agreed to be his girlfriend. I figured I would give things a shot. After a month of not hearing from my now ex fwb, me and him exchange a few texts where he mentioned wanting to invite me over sometime soon for a movie and to say hi to his dog and roommate. I agreed as long as it was kept friendly because I was now seeing someone seriously. Another month goes by and this weekend he sent me a text asking me how things were with me and my new boyfriend and if he knew who he was. He said he was a bit jealous but proceeded to tell me that I deserved a good boyfriend. We exchanged a few friendly texts afterwards and that was that. Of course I won't know unless I ask him, but do you think he reached out to me because he wishes he would have made me his girlfriend or something? Is he jealous of my new boyfriend because this guy is my boyfriend and not him? Or is he just jealous because we can't have sex anymore? What do you guys think? Is it normal for an ex fwb to reach out like that? He's 30 by the way and I'm 24...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): Hi, I'm the original poster. Thanks for the responses...I do have issues that I'm trying to sort out within myself as far as my boyfriend is concerned and really am continplating breaking up with him for other reasons, but the fact that my ex fwb is contacting me really isn't the deciding factor. Oh, and to clear things up, I never actually met up with my ex fwb, I just agreed to the idea of possibly seeing him sometime. Which I know is probably a bad idea as long as I'm with my boyfriend...any other input from anyone else would be much appreciated.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): I think Caring Guy hit the nail on the head and you know what? It's working too.
Your FWB misses his playmate but if he really cared then he wouldn't be reigniting your feelings. If you really cared about your new boyfriend you wouldn't be stirring up all these feelings either.
You see Caring Guy touched on an issue without directly saying it, the fact is you still have feelings for your ex and you're wondering if he's jealous because you want to know if he has feelings for you, you see that tells me you want to know because you love him and want to be with him, but you won't make a move unless you're sure. Otherwise why would you be asking this?
I don't think you need to figure out who it is you want OP because it's obvious your FWB is that guy. You're looking for signs that maybe losing you has made him realize you're the one for him. This isn't just casual curiosity either OP because you said you'll always love him, which is unlikely but it means you still do.
I'd hate to be your boyfriend OP, I'd hate to find out my girlfriend was back contacting her ex behind my back, I'd hate to find out she's still in love with him and trying to find out whether he feels the same. Honestly OP that's not fair on him and it's very close to if not already emotional cheating. What I'd hate more though is not knowing and being led on in a lie of a relationship which is what a relationship with a person who is in love with someone else always is. Being second best to another is not what he signed up for but it's better that he knows what you've been up to. It's better that he knows how you feel about your ex and what you're doing because you're testing the waters and I have no doubt if your ex asked you you'd dump this new guy in a second to be with him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): I agree with caring guy on this. Good insight, solid advice. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (5 April 2011):
I don't think that your ex FWB gives a damn about you, actually. I think he's just out to wreck your relationship because your new guy offers everything that he can't, and because he wants you to be offering yourself on a plate. This has nothing to do with him being jealous, nothing to do with making you a girlfriend. I just think he gets a thrill knowing that you'll dance to his tune. And you are dancing to it a bit - even with a boyfriend, you exchanged texts with him and even met him. Does your boyfriend know that you met an ex FWB alone? Or was that something you kept quiet?
The point is, you claim you have a great boyfriend. Why are you not cutting contact with this FWB and moving on from him? Or is this a case that really you want the FWB and your boyfriend will wind up second best? I think you need to sit down and work out how you feel about these two men, because you seem to be in the middle of both when you should be alone, thinking about what you want.
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A
female
reader, Yetilicious +, writes (5 April 2011):
 Honestly, I think it's impossible to go 3 years having sex and being good friends with a guy without some sort of feelings showing up on both ends.
It's hard to say exactly why he's jealous, the only way to know for sure is to ask. If you have feelings for this guy, you should ask him if he ever wishes you guys would have taken the step to actually be more than friends with benefits. It's a simple question, and then you'll know for sure if you can move on with your new boyfriend.Let us know what happens!
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