A
female
age
41-50,
*ujubean29
writes:Hi. I am 29 and have been married to my husband for about 1 1/2 yrs. We have 2 children. We were together for about 1yr before we got married. At first, he was very loving and affectionite. He would always kiss me and cuddle with me. In the last year, the kisses, hugs, and hand holding that I had fallen in love wtih, is getting less and less. One of my biggest things now is that he'll only cuddle with when he wants sex, where as before he would cuddle with me every night regardless. I am getting depressed over it. I feel like I am being used. I told him how it hurts me and then he'll make an effort to hold my hand or hold me at night even if we don't have sex. Then, it'll go back to the way it was. I suggested counsling, but he feels like I am the one with the problem so I should go by myself. Any suggestions would be great. Thank you :)
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (14 February 2011):
 Councelling may help you. Often the little romantic things fall by the wayside as a couple gets more comfortable together. Were there things you used to do that you no longer do either? I'd be willing to bet there are.
It's very good that you've talked to him about this. I don't like that he says this is your problem, but that's something you can work on.
A point that's probably worth making to him is that those little things he did are a big reason why you chose to marry him. They are more important than he realizes.
A
female
reader, ellie1963  +, writes (14 February 2011):
 Being in the same situation as you at the moment, I have done a lot of reading and have visited a counsellor. They put it down to the fact that he was drinking heavily and he has stopped, and work was very stressful for him. We did stray apart and I moved into the separate bedroom. I did stop trying with him and one book I read said when men have everything they want they withdraw for a bit. It suggested that you just say I don't know what has caused this, but I'm here if you need me. Then just try and sit back, not to worry so much, and he will come back to you.In the last week he has been more attentive, cuddles, flowers, and text again, so may be it does work. Try it and let me know if it works for you too. I am still in the spare room, so slowly does it.
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