A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend has always told me how his first love was the best girlfriend he's had and how he would use her a signpost to compare his other girlfriends by. this bothered me alot as i felt he was always comparing what we have to what he had with her. it made me feel 2nd best dsepite reassurances from him, saying he no longer had any feelingg towards her but just because she was his first proper girlfriend doesnt mean he loves me less.yesterday he was sorting out his room and i was helping and i came across a box full of photos, notes and cards etc from her. i asked to look through and as we looked, he tore them up and threw them away (but he kept photos of her family). when we had finished he said "do you feel better now? you should feel privalidged" and explained how past girlfriends had asked him to throw pictures away but he couldnt face it untill now, and how he wants a fresh start with me because what we have is better than what he had with her. however, now im not sure how i feel about all this... Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): i still think about my first love it is hard and something you just cant forget but at least he is being honest about it and is not hiding anything, him talking about his past just means that he is sharing who he is with you
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 March 2012):
 He did a very nice thing... our first love will always be remembered but it does not mean they are our best love... just first.... someone has to be first.
I have lots of pictures of my first boyfriend.. and many memories... but honey that was 37 years ago...
you are not sure how you feel... but how do you feel... what's the problem with what he said or did??
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A
male
reader, Uncle PJ  +, writes (5 March 2012):
 A lot of people never forget their first 'proper' love. Usually if it ended badly but you still have feelings for them, or weren't allowed to move on for whatever reason, it makes it even harder to forget and make new relationships.Has he told you why they broke up? It may still be a sore subject and if she stuck around despite breaking the relationship up, it would have hurt a lot more because it really effects people.It can't be nice for you to feel like you're being compared to all the time and maybe even sometimes feel like you're second best. But I'm not sure he does it deliberately to upset you, I think it's more because he needs to know what he felt about her is being felt now. I know it probably doesn't make sense, but I think he needs reassurance within himself that this relationship will finish better than with the other girl.For some reason he hasn't been able to let go. But by finally tearing up the photos, some at least, it would seem that you are beginning to help him move on. With you showing that you are there for him and making him feel good about himself, he is beginning to realise that his first 'love' is over and that he now has a better thing with you. There may always be some moments when he thinks about her and it will drive you crazy because you want him to only think about you. But when he has moved on completely that will happen. If she was his first sexual partner as well then that also takes a strong hold on some people's lives. The only thing that you can do is constantly remind him that what you have got is much better than anything he has ever had. That doesn't mean talking about his previous relationship because I doubt that's what he wants. But constantly show that you are there for him and show him how good he makes you feel and vice versa.I think he suffers from a little insecurity within himself and how people 'love' him. But as long as you show your support and keep mentally strong when he does mention anything, my advice is to try your hardest to ignore it or just comment by saying, well I'm here now and she's not sort of thing. Either way, I so hope this helps and wish you and your boyfriend all the luck and have a happy and successful relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): You are young and as you go through life you have to learn to accept that people you meet have had past loves. It is difficult sometimes if the boyfriend talks about exs in glowing terms. I think it is a bit insensitive to give too much detail about those you have loved and lost. I actually think it is a bit unreasonable to expect someone to erase ALL signs of exs such as photos, but that's my view. As for you, I would say to him, 'ok, clean slate, it's you and me now' - no more comparisons or discussion about exs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): I believe you have nothing to worry about...
A first love is always special and will always be remembered if it was good. The memories will be remembered fondly, but his heart is big enough to love again.
You should see it as a positive thing that his previous experience was a good one, because it has made him into the guy he is today. If it had been negative, he may have been hurt, insecure, jealous and other feelings. Instead, what he learnt from it, YOU now benefit from. He is not with her anymore, they are over for a reason. That does not make their past any less special, but he is with YOU now. He has chosen YOU.
More than that, he has allowed you to view his private mementos with her. He opened the door on that, for you to be part of it. He has now thrown them away, and the photos, like the memories in his mind are just reminders of other good times in his life that make up the book of his life. She was a Chapter, but as sweet as it may have been, that Chapter is closed. He now has a new Chapter with you, and you should feel very secure in that he has proven with his actions how he feels, and his words - he actually told you: "what you have together is better than what he had with her". Believe that, take that to heart, and make him the happiest he has ever been, by being YOURSELF. Be you, be unique, be the best you, and he will continue to want to grow this special new thing with you, and create lots of Chapters together.
Do not allow his past to come between you. It is over, you are his girl now, he says he loves you, so take it and treasure it.
May you experience true happiness with him!
Best Wishes
xxxx E
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