A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What is the best way to say no to someone? I just came from a long relationship and I'm just now setting foot in the dating arena again since a long time, so it's a bit awkward. Basically I'm having a hard time rejecting those I'm not interested in. Before it was easy: I'd just tell them I had a bf and that was that, but now I'm single I don't want to lie and say the same thing. Right now I settle for making excuses, but I think that's weak. On the other hand I just really don't like the direct, bitchy approach. Like when a guy asks "can we go out sometime" or asks for my number, bluntly saying "no" seems so unpleasant. So can anyone help me find a balance here? I don't want to lead them on but I don't want to kick them down either. So guys, when a girl is not interested in you, how do you want her to go about telling you?Every suggestion is appreciated! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): I have been in ALOT of difficult situations because I just couldn't bring myself to say 'not interested thanks'. Purely because I didn't want to reject them face to face, so I went on one (usually awful) date and was so bad/quiet/talked to much they didn't ask for a 2nd date.
Wrong I know, much better to say thanks but no thanks in the first place.
A
female
reader, Drinkwater  +, writes (5 March 2012):
 Seriously, just be upfront and say ' I'm not interested'. No need to be bitchy, just say it in a polite manner.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): Haha yeah. I've been trying to explain the concept to one of my friends who keeps complaining that she keeps getting asked out by this guy for the past 6 months. She doesn't understand how he doesn't get that "I'm busy" means she's not interested. I ask her why she isn't straight forward with him and she says she'd feel too bad about it and doesn't want him thinking she's led him on. So she's decided to just ignore all future requests. She's being a bitch basically. She's a lovely girl like, but very selfish.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 March 2012):
 well yes it does but after all he's someone you might find interesting... I'm not saying to do it with guys YOU know you are not interested in but what if you are not ready to date but you see someone that if you were in a different time and place you would be interested in???
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your input!
@Anonymous: Thanks.
@Cerberus, I was that idiot who said those things, which is why I came here. I don't like making excuses, but I don't like being cold either after the guy worked up the courage to ask me out. But thanks for reminding me that trying to be 'nice' that way is not nice at all. I'll settle for being polite but firm. It's going to save me a lot of trouble (and the guy too).
@Honest Answer, I haven't used that excuse because I don't like to lie. I only used it when it was still true and then it wasn't an excuse ;) .
@So_Very_Confused: if you keep that open with the 'potential date' guy, doesn't that simply come across as being 'hard to get'?
@TrancedRhythmEar: I don't want to give the impression I only fall for 'bad boys' (a.k.a. a-holes). I like nice guys haha.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (5 March 2012):
 Easy. Just tell them what women always used to tell my sorry ass... "youre too nice. Im not interested."
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 March 2012):
yep you say "I'm very flattered thank you for the offer but I'm not interested"
if you say you are not available he may take it as you are playing coy and actually want him to try harder...
you don't owe whole explanations to anyone you don't want to give it to....
now if you meet someone you MIGHT be interested in later on then you can say "I'd love to but I just got out of a relationship and I'd really like some time to myself" IF he continues you can smile and say "you don't want to be my transitional guy do you?" because so often those get tossed aside later on....
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (5 March 2012):
 I could write several pages of text to enumerate the MANY, MANY rejections that I have received from women over my protracted lifetime.....NONE is terrific to hear... but ALL are effective when they make the message loud and clear: I am NOT interested in you... in ANY way.IF you want to rebuff a man.... tell him so in clear, succinct language, and, then, forget him and go on with your life...Good luck...
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male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (5 March 2012):
 Be firm so there is no chance of misinterpetation. " No thank you." Don't leave any door open. Don't say, "I have a BF" because the guy could interpet that when you are single, he might have a chance.
Good Luck!
Jeff
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): "No thank you, I'm flattered but I'm not interested."
That's it OP, that is literally the nicest, most considerate and respectful way you can reject someone. Frankly life would be a lot easier if all women rejected us in that way. What's bitchy about being honest? What's bitchy about telling a guy straight up he has no chance? Nothing OP.
Do you know how truly grating it is to be patronized by women with their bullshit excuses because they want to "hurt our feelings?" Seriously there is nothing worse than women thinking we're so emotionally fragile that we'll fall to pieces from being told that a random girl is not interested. Girls like that are weak minded idiots that lead us on. They say things like "maybe" "I'm busy that day." "I can't at the moment." "I'm not ready for a relationship right now." all cop outs for cowards and they're the kind of women that are incredibly inconsiderate bitches.
Please do us guys a favour OP and be one of those women that is honest with us. If you're not interested please say so. It doesn't hurt our feelings half as much as being led to believe you truly are busy, or that you might be interested. Sure rejection stings a little but it's far easier to get over than a girl who gives us her number because she's too afraid of hurting her feelings then leads on a wild goose chase while she tries to figure out a nice way to let us down and usually just ends up bottling it and doesn't answer our texts or calls.
Close that door right there and then and let us move on. It also saves you the hassle of having a guy hang around pretending to be your friend and keep trying because you didn't give him a definitive no.
OP we as guys have been trained since birth by our mothers never to give up on a woman, that we can change her mind if she's unsure, that we have to prove our desire by not giving up easily. If you don't make sure we know you're not interested we will keep trying.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): I would rather honesty. "Thankyou, but I'm not interested" polite and to the point. I always respect people who can say it like that to me. Rather than a cold "no" or some lame excuse. Hope this helps.
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