A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I am 18 and have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years. When I met him I was 15 and he was 19. He was amazing, everything I could ever wish for and more, he treated me like a real princess, he gave everything to me.The only downside was that I was his first girlfriend, so this automatically means he had very low self asteem and a low opinion of himself, but after time he over came this. Things were great, however he has always been clingy and texts me non-stop.Since I've been 18 all I want to do is make the most of everything and go out and have a good time, but my boyfriend isn't into going out at all. I suddenly feel very suffocated and like I want freedom. I met him so young and feel that I missed out on alot because I was tied down with him.I don't know how I feel anyomre and it's killing me. I just don't know what to do.The last thing I want to do is hurt him because he means so much to me, but I'm not sure that what I do feel for him is love anymore. I just want to go out and experience life and not have to be tied into a serious relationship, especially one that loses me my freedom. I think about telling him, but I can't bring myself to do it. Everytime I think about splitting with him I talk myself out of it. I couldn't imagine myself without him, but what we once had just doesn't seem to be there anymore.I am really confused.Help?
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (23 January 2012):
 A lot of teenagers go through this same problem (me included) when they have been in a long term relationship from a young age - what you are feeling is perfectly normal.
It is the classic 'what if' scenario and there is no right answer unfortunately. If you stay with him you will be wondering 'what if' you had split up with him and gone out experiencing life as a single young woman. On the other hand, if you break up with him, you will wonder 'what if' I had stayed with him and I never let him go.
I cant tell you what to do, I can give you stories that support both the staying with him argument and the leaving him argument.
I personally went through the same thing around your age with one of my ex's, he was lovely and treated me so well but it had got to the point where it was just so familiar and I wasnt sure I was in love with him, it felt more like I was staying with him because he was familiar and safe - I was worried I would never meet anyone again who loved me as much as he did. I knew that was wrong, to have those thoughts and basically only stay with him because it was familar was the wrong thing to do, most of all it wasnt fair on him when he loved me so much and I didnt feel the same - I couldnt stay with him because of that so I left, I wanted him to be happy with someone who loved him properly. That was the right thing for me to do, I dont regret it and I was glad to be single, to experience life and be young and free.
However a bit later I split up with another boyfriend for the same reason - I was at Uni and I wanted to be free, thought I needed to be single and enjoy myself so I left that boyfriend as well. However this time I was so wrong to do that, I actually realised he was the love of my life and I totally screwed things up, it took me about 6 years to get over him and it was a very painful process. I let go of a great guy and it took me a very long time to meet someone I felt as strongly about as I did for him.
Also, you have my close friend who met her boyfriend when she was 16 and he was 18. They are still together now, 9 years later and just as happy and in love as they were back then. So you can be with someone a long time from a young age and be happy, yes you might have ups and downs and feel at times you wonder what it might be like to be single again - but the relationship is worth more than that.
I guess you have to decide if this is a wobble, something temporary that will pass? Or are you 100% certain you dont love him anymore and you will regret staying with him?
If you are thinking this is a wobble, then talk to him and tell him how you feel. Yes it might hurt him but it is better to be open with him rather than supressing your feelings and hoping they go away. Explain how you feel, tell him that his constant texts are suffocating and that you want a little more space (not breaking up though) in order to live your life a little more independently.
You might find that if he gives you a bit more space you get what you need and dont need to break up with him. Or you may still feel the same in which case breaking up is your only option.
I hope this helps and good luck!
|
