A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I know that some girls bleed and some don't when they have sex for the first time. However before i could have sex with my girlfriend for the first time it took a while mainly because even if she was aroused i could never penetrate her, it even hurt when i put more than one finger in. I tired talking to her about it an told her we could take it slow, and we did, however all she said was that she'd had sex a few times before but it had been a while and wouldn't say more. She also seemed nervous and was quite shy even when i tried to make her at ease and it made her upset and she told me i should get her a bit drunk before. But i didn't want to do that. When we did finally have sex it hurt her quite a lot and she bled quite a lot as well. Could she have not been a virgin even though it hurt and she bled? could she be lying not that it really matters however i would like to talk to her about it and she is still shy on this type of subject. How could i talk to her about?Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for the answers, helpful and appreciated, no it doesn't really matter but we've been going out a year now and don't want her to feel like we can't talk about stuff like that. Like suggested i have tried to talk to her but she's given conflicting answers and this time just said she's had sex with 2 guys before but it had been a long time, and said she must have been rubbish, so i didn't push any further and just told her that she wasn't and stuff. But she hasn't asked me about my past so i've only ever given her vague details, so maybe she thinks im lying to her or hiding something as well so thts why she's keeping quite?
but like u say i think it would be best to leave it alone.
thanks
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (28 August 2009):
 Man, does it really matter whether she was a virgin or not?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): Maybe she was molested as a child or raped, that could be why she's so shy about it....
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A
female
reader, Imperfectly_me  +, writes (28 August 2009):
 Ha! You have alot of questions........
But 1st of all, when I 1st had sex & i was a virgin & i didn't bleed at all. But when i have like to much sex then i do get sore & i know that some people actually bleed. & she may be lying about not being a virgin. being a virgin mean you have no sex experience & that scares people. so ask her if she lied. & tell her that its okay if she did lie. let your heart out! let her know that you were also nervous & scared but you were happy to be with her! hope this helps. :)
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (28 August 2009):
 Hi,
at first I thought you were one of these posters complaining how their girlfriend wasnt a virgin.
But you seem genuinely concerned about her feeling the desire to lie about her sexual past.
I agree, it does sound like she was a virgin, she may think it makes her uncool or unattractive that nobody has wanted to sleep with her before - hence the vague, "oh yeah I've slept with a couple of guys before " type of talk.
It's nothing to worry about really, the more you get to know her the more you will relax together. I would leave it alone, if she still has problems relaxing and opening up about it down the line then you could suggest counselling together. But its not really a major issue is it? Just shyness and feeling the need to be wanted.
I'd leave it if I were you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): it sounds ver much like she was a virgin and you were her first
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A
male
reader, funnyintit  +, writes (28 August 2009):
 it could be just because of the way she is, have you thought that you are well endowed... that could be a problem..getting drunk could help but its not a good option really...maybe you should spend more time on foreplay...i hope that should help..
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