A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I avoid relationships and I'm always worried about them. I'm extremely paranoid, though I've never been cheated on or actually never been hurt. But I see my friends and the relationships they've been in. The online dating or physical dating. People using the other for sex or as a joke. I dated once in highschool, because he some how made me fall for him. That was actually the only time I got hurt, but I'm the one who broke it off because I saw it falling apart. I always found Highschool dating to be stupid, because not many last. Now I realize that it's a good lesson though.Well right now I'm in a relationship for four months. We went to High School together, he graduted a year before I did. Turning 21 after I turn 19. But sometimes the past bugs me and the future scares me.I hated him in highschool. I despised his every being. He was the model of everything I hated. He was, well what my friends called him, a man whore. Part of the "popular" clique, Football player, bull rider, cowboy, partier, getting drunk all the time and a bit of a sex addict. My friend, who I found out was a lie, claimed that he wanted to have sex with her when she liked him. (I had a slighlty crazy friend that liked to make up stories about people she had crushes on). It is something he would do though. Last winter he started messaging me on Facebook and we started talking. I was saying how I missed going on walks, because I can't go by myself anymore due to health. Because last time I went alone I blacked out at a park when it was getting dark. So he messaged "would you like to accompany me on a walk at the farm?" which I thought was absolutely adorable. So I agreed. He picked me up the next wednesday. We did go for a walk, ended up driving around the backroads talking, went and got food, drove for a while longer, went to the lake at night and walked around taking. I was terrified at first, I knew how he was in higschool. Most guys, if I hang out with them and they have a crush on me they try to hold my hand or confess their love for me. He didnt try any of that, only physical contact was he put his arm around me to keep me from falling when I stumbled on loose rocks. We talked and lost track of time and I didnt get home till midnight that night. Well, I don't normally start dating people so soon after talking to them, especially since I hated him for 4 years before this. We started dating 4-5 days after that. Parents arn't crazy about him, Mom thinks he has lied. She just misunderstood something. 'Cause I had questioned him about it. I remebered him telling me the same thing and how he told me and I remeber her telling him. He can just get a little confusing when he's talking about certain things. Well atleast to my mom. She also hates tha the collects guns (he hunts) cause she thinks its stupid. (But she finds atleast 1 thing about every guy that even LIKES me that she doenst like but she complains that I avoid dating.)Simply though, he spoils me. I never knew a guy to want to celebrate monthly aniversaries (another thing my mom makes fun of us for). Valentines day landed after our first month anni. I know he spend over $200 on me. He wouldnt tell me but small town so I can figure things out if I want to. For our 3 month ani. he bought me a white gold ring w/ blue and white diamonds as a promise ring (My mom didnt like that he bought me a ring). He could have bought me walmart stuff for all I cared or nothing at all, because I'm not with him for the things he buys me. I just think it's sweet that he thinks of me.Last night I got into the truck and he had four small mini roses laying on the seat. In order from budding to fully grown. He smiled and told me "Four roses for four months, our love flowering" It was just sweet. We do have our conflicts because the way I deal with bein gmad or upset drives him crazy. He doenst like being ignored or not talked to and If I'm mad. I do not want to talk. I just want to sit there and be cranky till I convince myself to coll down. he wants to talk it over. My parents, how they think of him seems to be affecting my judgement at times. Also I'm terrified about his past. he has never cheated, so I trust him. But I think I'm letting the past bother me. He has changed a lot since he was in highschool. We spend every single day together and never get tired of it. When he gets off of work or we're done with stuff we have to get done we're together. Even if it's with friends we're there. I tell him if he wanted to he could go out with the guys and have fun but he doesnt want to. He stopped going to parties, drinking and getting drunk.He only had a few drinks once since we've started dating and that's because we went camping with a couple that are like brother/sister to him. But he didnt get drunk cause he was also being protective of me cause there was a couple pepole ther ehe didn't know.He's going to stop dipping because I don't like it, though I didn't ask him to do that. My parents are a major part of my life though, but for once I don't want to take their view on something. I don't know if things are moving too fast, if things are going how they're supposed to or what I should think. I love him so much, but I'm also terrified of the future. I've been spoiled by my parents and I feel like I am over dependant on them. Also he is still into buying guns (which he bought me one for our 4th month ani, cause he wants me to get into atleast shooting. it's actually fun) I havent even spent the night at his house, cause my parents would freak. I don't know if I should talk to my parents about letting me spend the night or just do it. How to talk to them if I should talk to them. And how to view the future of us... I dont think he knows it scares me. Just everything in the future scares me. He talks about wanting to get married. That we both have our dreams and that we can reach our dreams if we work together, if we're together. I just want some opinions, suggestions, anything...
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female
reader, auntyR  +, writes (15 May 2011):
don't be scared to date or have a relationship. It's all part of life and you need to experience good and bad things. Yeah you will find a few frogs before your prince, but i've never regretted dating the frogs as you learn alot from them. Like never go for that sort of guy again.lol. If you stop yourself from meeting guys then you will find that your friends will eventually meet partners and settle down with them and you will forever be the single girl. I have a friend just like you and she is now 25 and has never dated anyone. Please don't let yourself get like her. Live life and enjoy it
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