A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My fiancé and I have been on and off for seven years. I love him to the moon and back. we have lots in common and I enjoy doing almost everything with him, yet sometimes I need some...my time...and he gets really upset/angry even. He texts me constantly, he needs to know who texts, emails, messages me etc and although I've got nothing to hide, I feel as though he scrutinises my everything. If we don't have sex every night, he can't sleep and later on there will be an argument, if he leaves, he's admitted he has been with whores. What should I do?
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (24 July 2017):
 He sounds very controlling and manipulative. I had an ex like him and as soon as those signs started to show, I was out of there!
He has no self control but he wants to control what you do?! Does he even really care about you if he can go out and sleep around and then come home to you not knowing whether he has caught something or not? No dear, this doesn't seem right.
My better judgment is telling me that you deserve better than someone who treats you like garbage.
You need to break up with him because guess what? it doesn't get better with time, it will only get worse, trust me on that.
You're better off without him. Take time to rediscover who you are and what you like. Fall in love with yourself again because you seem to have lost sight of all that you deserve.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (23 July 2017):
 I don't know your history, but this all sounds a bit off.
2 ways to look at it.
One he is controlling and abusive. if that fits the rest of the facts you know what to do.
Two you want to be in a relationship at your convenience. If that fits the facts you know what to do.
As a side note you have a man over 40 who is capable of sex every day, could you please get him to post his diet and exercise regimen here ?
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (23 July 2017):
 My Dear Woman, you say he is your fiancé and that it has being on and off, nothing wrong with that just you did not say off for what time, and I will come back to that later, as I see in what you posted that this man is immature, insecure and because of his insecurity he is a jealous lover, all that is bad enough and a handful in its self to handle,BUT this kid is a dangerous manipulative, controlling pig that tells you he has sex with whores to bully you into having sex more other than you may like, he is using you as a human sex toy, why did he tell you this, there is no proof he ever did and if it was at the time he was split up with you then maybe but you don't need to be told about it, I just don't like the sound of all that, YOUR LOVE alone it not enough to make this work, He manipulations are clouding your vision and you will not see clearly until you are at least some time like a year or more away from him and maybe not until you are with a new man that knows how to treat you will you see what this thing for a person is doing to you, you need to get away from this bully boy, you know it your heart has been telling you before but something keeps bring you back to this thing that is why it has to be on off all along
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2017): You know what you should do. Everyone does!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (23 July 2017):
 What is it about this man you actually love? He controls you, he doesn't trust you (otherwise he would not be checking up on you all the time), he is insecure and immature and he uses a day's lack of sex as justification to go with hookers. Need I go on?
It sounds like the only times he is "nice" to you is when things are going exactly as HE wants. You can't even get a bit of time away from him without him bitching and tantruming.
Girlfriend, this is NOT going to get any better. Trust me when I tell you, it will just get worse. He will eventually separate you from all your friends and family (if he has not already done so) and will control your every move. Is that how you want to spend your life? If so, then stay with him. It is YOUR choice.
I hope you have regular STD tests. And how can you even have sex with him again, knowing what he has done and where he has been? Has he already ground your self respect down THAT much?
Once again I have to ask, WHAT IS IT YOU LOVE ABOUT HIM?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2017): "What should I do?"You SHOULD accept the reality that your so-called "fiance" is a manipulative, controlling, coercive bully who has zero respect for you and is never going to change. But given your perception that the issue is that you don't have enough "me" time I suspect you'll ignore the sound advice you are bound to receive and the cycle of dysfunction will continue indefinitely.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2017): I think this on and off "relationshiphip" needs to be off again. This time for good.It doesn't sound healthy at all.He appears controlling, insecure and unfaithful. None of these qualities makes a man husband material.I suspect you have known this all along.But you settled because you love him and don't value yourself enough to let him go and find a man who is worthy of you. Perhaps you are afraid to be alone. Afraid you won't find somebody else. Are addicted to the drama - the high's and lows - or have a co-dependent relationship. Sweetie, he isn't going to change. And you will forever be stuck in this cycle.Don't stay hoping things will change. They won't. Why? Because this man lacks emotional maturity. He doesn't know how to love. He's incapable of a mature, committed relationship no matter how hard you try.You cannot love a man enough to fix him or change him. He has to want to change because he loves you. And he has shown you he can't and won't do that.The fact he says he goes to whores for sex would have sent me out the door immediately. And that is all you need to know.He's got way too many issues. They are all harmful to your well being. They aren't yours to fix. Let him go. The guy will just find other gullible women to play out the same, sorry scenario.Admit to yourself that you honestly aren't happy. He isn't making you happy. So there is no point.
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