A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice.I met a divorced woman with 2 beautiful kids over a year ago, and we first started meeting only for sex, but somehow, we have developed a very strong friendship and I think we are both very fond and loving of each other. Our meetings for sex have changed since around month 4 and we have maybe become best friends who have sex regularly.For me though, there are two problems. I am alone in this city, and looking to move to the capital for better work opportunities. Part of this to have stability and to start a family.First issue, her ex lives in our current city, and I do not think she wants to move, understandably as her kids are about to start high school soon and her ex would not agree to it. This means that we could not move together as well.Second, as she has half custody, we meet every other week as I have said that it is not good. I am there with her kids when it is her week as our relationship is not defined, and her last boyfriend who lived with her, he left abruptly and her kids sometimes ask how he is. I do not want to have that, knowing I want to move and then just disappear from their lives like him :( .We have spoken about my desire to eventually start a family. I sometimes feel she gets my company when not her kids week and then her kids week, and I feel very lonely when I can't see her, but I have imposed it myself. I do not want to look for anyone else until I leave but sometimes I feel I should start.How should I address this and have any of you dated parents whilst you weren't one, whilst wanting to be a parent too?
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (24 July 2017):
 You probably shouldn't have been around her kids regardless of whether or not the relationship is defined because the kids don't know that. Unless the two of you sat them down and explained that you guys are not together and just 'vibing'. You should have kept your distance knowing that you plan to move and get someone else. You're too involved already. So much so, that when you leave, your absence will be felt regardless of whether you want it to be or not.
No woman likes knowing that she's just a stand in for now, until you move away and find someone else. It's the reality of the situation but it's a harsh one at that.
Her ex is still the father of her kids so yes his opinion counts where it concerns them. That's the thing about dating someone with kids, decisions aren't just made between the two of you, it's a three person thing.
I don't get how your 'two problems' are problems if you're going to leave anyway. Wouldn't that erase the problematic side of things? See, problem solved.
If you want to be with this woman then you will have to stay and see where it goes however, if you're eager to see where your life goes if you move, well than, that would be something that you should do because if you stay, you'd probably grow resentful of her and the kids should things not work out in the end.
Ultimately though, it's a decision that you're going to have to make for yourself.
Good luck OP.
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