A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Another crazy question for you cupids out thereIs it better to move in with partners or live seperate? I ask this because i have been in 8 month relationship, we live in same city but it feels more like long distance relationship, seeing each other on w/e's or every fortnight etc, txt call everyday etc. But we have decided that we are moving in soon and have discussed how this might effect us, i gave her my point of view that it may make us get sick of each other, or argue more, or lose the ' i miss u ' feelings.This worrys me because we also lose our space. But at same time we gain being together everyday and this eliminates any paranoia/insecurties/ we are feeling when we are apart, usually we both wondering where each other is and things go unbalanced when were apart. But i ask if people could share there experiences on what is better moving in or staying at home? gf says it will be good for us, but i just notice that giving eachother space is good to. i want to have that feeling of missing her incredibly, i notice if we dont see each other for 2 weeks or longer we both become crazy for eachother and when we meet its greatest feeling, could we loose this? any opinions or am i just thinking way to much LOL
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female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (2 July 2012):
 I think you each have to have your own interests in a relationship so that this doesn't happen. No one likes spending every minute of every day together. That would get boring really quickly. I think you are probably thinking too much about it. I would give it a try, and if you need more space, you just say "Honey, I'm going to go do this for awhile." You still need to have your own life even when you live together.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe thing is i do want long term but that's what i'm afraid of. That moving in may destroy a long term prosperity. we might lose the feelings if spending too much time together? is this just a stupid way of looking at it? Do you think i just think too much into things?
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (2 July 2012):
Do not move in with someone if you are not ready. I know this may upset your girlfriend, but do not do it if you are having doubts. I agree with Abella...I think you need to take stock of what you really want out of this relationship. Is it going to be long-term, or are you not sure? If you are not sure, I would wait for awhile to move in. Wait to sort out your thoughts and feelings on the topic before you make any rash decisions.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (1 July 2012):
 For some reason you have some doubts.
Are those your real doubts about this relationship?
Or are you just naturally a very conservative cautious person who is overly anxious about making a mistake?
If the former then do not move in.
If the latter then perhaps you should trust your feelings better.
Can you see her as your long term partner?
Perhaps try a SWOT analysis of the strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats.
If you do choose to move in then please do choose a site that is close to her workplace and your workplace and in a place that you both feel OK about.
Get your discussions out in the open about budgeting and what pooled budget will be acceptable to maintain the lifestyle you both want.
But DO keep some money separate for both her and you - where you only control your little nest egg and she only controls her nest egg.
You will never advance the intimacy if you keep living apart
and it is very likely that your relationship will deepen and become closer once you move in IF YOU ARE MEANT TO BE as a couple.
If you start to have more and more difficulties after you move in then you can work on them and build the realtionship to a stronger level and come out the winners.
Or you can point to it as an excuse to not try to work on the relationship and use as it as an excuse to break up.
But if you are not meant to be together long term you should already know that.
Trust your judgement
and keep the lines of communication open all the time.
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