A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm having a little trouble making a decision. Ive been single for nearly 2 years now but I recently started seeing someone and things were goin ok then I started talking to a girl I've met a few times and I started seeing her to. It's not at the point were I need to make a decision about who I would like to get into a relationship with but I feel it's only fair on the the two girls that I do so. One girl lives a bit far away but has no problems with coming to pick me up. She also works crazy hours and I'm due to start a new job were I would be working crazy hours and I don't think we would be able to see each other much. I don't have any complaints in the bedroom department with this girl and I think she is a really nice girl and I get on with her friends. Now the other girl lives in the next town and it's a lot easier to see her when she's not working. I get on really well with this girl our first date we were out for 7.5 hours just talking and getting to know each other. I've already told her things I've never even told my closest friends and vice versa. But the thing is I don't get the urge to rip her clothes off there's not much lust at the moment maybe, that would change after sleeping with her but not right now. I just need some impartial advice I don't want to seem like a womanising pig stringing them both along but I just don't know which one to choose. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (10 November 2011):
 I want to stress again, you *are* at the point of making the decision. Once you involve the bedroom, it needs to be exclusive.
You never mentioned how long you've been seeing this long distance girl. If it's been under a couple of weeks and you both hopped into bed in a first couple of dates, that's one thing. However, if you two have been dating for months (3-6 or longer), then you two sleeping together makes it UNDERSTOOD that you both are in a relationship. To start dating another after months of seeing and sleeping together is wrong, and it's cheating. It's even worse if you and long distance girl are pulling out the "I love you's". That's deceptive and wrong.
It's not right to date someone else while sleeping with someone. If someone were to ask the girl you were sleeping with about whether or not she knows you're still dating, I guarantee it wouldn't go over well with you, unless you have established a "friends with benefits" situation that she is fully aware of and accepts. This way she is aware that you will be dating and sleeping with others. I'm guessing that she'd kick you to the curb though if she found out you were seeing someone else. Sleeping with people is an exclusive action when you are pursuing a relationship.
A
female
reader, Koala Bear  +, writes (10 November 2011):
 Perhaps you don't feel like ripping the clothes off of girl #2 because you are getting it in somewhere else...
This is why sex before commitment ruins things. That's great that you feel comfortable enough to tell girl #2 all your secrets and things but you are cheating girl #1 out of this opportunity.
I would suggest you politely slow things down with girl#1 until you make up your mind. Do not cut contact from her, but at least give clue her in so she knows that her being intimate with you is not bringing her closing to you.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 November 2011):
Here's the thing. There's nothing wrong with dating two people from the start, since you're not serious. I do see a problem sleeping with two women at the same time, especially if you're not up front with these women about it. I'm totally guessing that this long distance woman who is sleeping with you and driving long distances to see you doesn't know about the other woman.
In your defense, you haven't yet slept with the local woman. I strongly advise you NOT to sleep with this second woman while sleeping with this first one. That is dangerous and unsafe for you and these other women, not to mention if it ever got out that you were sleeping with two women at the start of the relationship, it would be bad.
You're right. Now is the moment of decision. Once the bedroom comes into play, there is no more two-timing. At the very initial stages when it's simply dating and getting to know someone, it's understandable that you'd be dating more than one. But, sleeping with two...no way, no how, disgusting.
You have to decide. Will it be the one with the emotional connection who lives close, or will it be the one who you're sleeping with long distance?
If I could suggest a course of action, I'd say stick with the local girl and take it slow. Break up with the long distance girl...don't just disappear on her. Just tell her that your schedules don't mesh, and that you don't want to lead her on, but you're going a different path. Be gentle, and don't mention the other woman. AND DO NOT SLEEP WITH BOTH AT THE SAME TIME! If you do, then you will indeed be a womanizing pig. I'm guessing that you're feeling that way because this longer distance woman you are sleeping with you don't have deep feelings for, but are simply enjoying the sex and feeling guilty that she might have deeper feelings for you than you do for her. Right?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): Your are saying you’re sleeping with one of them, and then are starting to date another young lady.
Hello, you obviously are a confused. You need to decide, what do you like about these young ladies and what is important to you.
So, the one you’re sleeping with is not convenient for you because of distance? Then you started to date this other girl on the side!!! You feel comfortable with her, but don't think you have the sizzle. Be true to yourself and these young ladies, and be faithful. Obviously, they don't know about each other.
Choice and don't cheat. What you’re doing now is wrong, and will hurt all of you.
Father of 3 young ladies!!!
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