A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:i've been seeing this guy for three years now I only see him on a Saturday till sunday, some times not even that we haven't had any sexual relationship yet sleep in the same bed , he said he don't think about sex ever , yet I found Viagra an durex in his draw two years after we started dating , I asked him an he said that was from before me he says hes in love with me but I can honestly say he never touched me in any way shape or form , I found two messages on his phone to two different woman, he said it was for a massage for his back but never went, its killed me inside I cant let it drop I am like a mad woman its killing me inside, he wont end it because say he loves me , is he gay? he as no kids never been married,are woman just a cover?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2018): I think the texts to the massage lady are a big red flag, not to mention the obvious of not having sex with you ever.
He is likely getting it somewhere else (from women or men) and I doubt the durex and viagra was from before your time. After all that stuff expires. Yes maybe he is trying to be straight (hence massage-lady) but is truly gay and struggling with this...really who knows?
Obviously he does have issues if he has the viagra but I just don't think he is being honest with you and I don't think it is right to stay in a sexless relationship unless you have discussed it and both want that.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 January 2018):
 I agree with YCBS
It doesn't MATTER if he is gay. YOU are not fulfilled by this relationship and you aren't happy about it either.
When a relationship turns into a "quest" where one partner has to "discover" the TRUTH about the other... love goes out the window. It makes you feel nuts for snooping, guessing, making up stories in your head. Not a healthy state at all. FOR you (and for him).
If you want a relationship that INCLUDES sex, he isn't the one for you.
My guess is the reason he is not trying it on with you is because he can't get it up (hence the Viagra) not because he is gay.
But let's for argument's sake say he is gay. So what? If he isn't seeing MEN on the sly what's the issue?
If you want SEX in your relationship then this is the wrong relationship for you. If you don't CARE about having sex, then maybe it isn't.
Though I think only seeing each other on the weekend after 3 years it's... it sounds kinda dull.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (1 January 2018):
 I'm assuming that your guy is in the same age bracket as you, and if so, he may have erectile dysfunction or some other hormonal imbalance such that he feels no desire for sex. I know men in this age bracket who are ED, tried Viagra but despise it and are in a sexless marriage. Alcoholics are often ED but your man seems not to fit that profile. So before asking if gay, see about his erection issue. Lot of man with ED are also embarrassed to initiate romance and sex because they can't perform.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (1 January 2018):
 Who knows? Who cares? The bottom line is, YOU are unhappy. Him saying he loves you is not making you happy so WHY are you staying in this relationship?
You are already snooping and prying in his stuff, trying to find "evidence". Of WHAT? It doesn't really matter if he is gay, or seeing other women, or just not interested in sex. What matters is that YOU are unhappy and insecure in this very part-time relationship.
In your shoes I would wish him well and walk away. I doubt you will do that though because you don't sound to have accepted the stark reality of your situation yet. What if you find out he IS gay? What if you find out he does have other women? What then? Are you STILL going to stay with him?
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