A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I start to resent my boyfriend of 3 years for some money I lent to him in the past. I will explain, he asked me if he can buy a phone with my credit card because his phone was not working at one point and he was having some financial issues. so I did help him to buy the phone with my credit card and I told him that I am expecting that money back because I don't want to have a balance to pay in that specific credit card since the interest is so high. He has not paid me back the money for that phone and it was in October. Then in December one of his friends was getting married and the party was in California and we lived in Texas, so I thought he is not going because he has no money..well out of the blue he called me from the road telling me that he's going to the wedding and he is driving and he is going to spend 4 days with his friends in California..I honestly I was more than angry I was very sad because first, he didn't even mention if I would like to go and second he went for 4 days out of the state so it means he has money to go but not money to pay for the phone.. I am very disappointment of his behavior and of course I thought he has priorities regarding money. But surely he thought more in himself than on be grateful and honest with me. I wanted to talk to him and honestly I dont think how I can continue this relationship but I want my money back. Any advice is appreciate!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2017): Thanks a lot for all the advices.. it is sad but is a life lesson
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2017): And another post from someone who has a financially demanding partner. If you can't afford to give the gift, don't give it. If you needed to take it out on credit, you had no business buying him an expensive phone. I think this will be a lesson for you, keep your finances in order, and if you've got someone who cannot manage his or hers finances, then you aren't financially compatible. Get rid of him and And take the loss as a life lesson. Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2017): If you don't have a signed and notarized repayment agreement, he could argue the money was all a gift. You don't give people large sums of money and simply expect it back in good-faith. It becomes a problem when they don't pay it back.
At this point, you may have to take him to small-claims court to recover whatever you can. The burden of proof is on you to prove he owes you the money. It will depend on your proof that he promised to pay you back. If you have attempted due diligence to recover the money, and you have emails or text messages from him that confirm he owes you money; they are admissible evidence in court. You must present receipts for purchases or payments made in his behalf. Then place it all at the mercy of the court.
If you can come to some type of settlement for less than owed; then take as much as you can get and move on.
Avoid broke-ass boyfriends. If they are recently divorced, consistently out of work, settle for menial-jobs, display irresponsible spending habits, gamble, party until the cows come home; and never have a cent in their pocket. You run screaming with your arms above your head!!!
I am not talking about the good blue-collar guy who works from sun-up to sundown. Who has an unshakeable work-ethic; but simply may not earn as much as you do. A man of solid character will let you know right off the bat. If he is a hardworking, frugal but generous type of guy; he would never take a dime from you, that is the only exception to the rule.
Money is only one of the reasons you broke-up. Don't let it be the reason animosity and bad-blood lingers and drags-on the misery. You've got to get on with your life and move on.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (31 December 2017):
 It never ceases to amaze me at the number of women who ignore the fact that their boyfriends have credit issues for a reason. Those financial issues were of his own making, and he had plenty of ways to get his hands on a phone (i.e. lease, pre-pay, refurbished) without wrangling your credit.
You also need to understand that money should NEVER mix with relationships not legally ratified by marriage. Too many people mix their finances with houses, credit, bank accounts, vehicles, and they aren't married, and 9 times out of 10, it's the woman who gets the shaft when it goes south.
You're from the United States, and you have loaned him money for a phone. SAVE YOUR TEXTS that talk about him paying you back as well as any written agreement he signed promising payback of the money. Add the interest that is being compounded onto this bill, and write a demand letter.
If this relationship has run its course, it's time to think like a businessperson and not a gullible girlfriend. Demand repayment in writing. If you don't live at the same address, send it certified letter.
If he still drags his feet or gives you a whole lot of stupid words that wouldn't light a lightbulb much less pay any bills, then file in conciliation court for the amount owed plus interest, bringing all proof (text printouts and such) that he openly acknowledges it as a loan, and sue him.
Will you get your money back? Not sure, but court cases usually last 7-10 years depending on which state you live in, and the only way you WON'T be able to collect if you win a judgment is if he declares bankruptcy, in which case the 10-year impact to his credit will be a harsh lesson in never using another person and taking financial advantage of her affection for him ever again.
I *have* sued and won several cases in both conciliation and district court (I've had to in my profession), and it's amazing how easy it is if you have the right documentation and resolve. It's also not expensive to both sue in Small claims AND to start collection process once a judgment is won (bank levy or garnishment). Chances are that once the official things start flying, he'll stop screwing around and get serious. Being sued is extremely traumatic to someone not used to it, and most people aren't used to it at all.
I don't have to tell you that if you go legally nuclear on his ass, the relationship is over. However, his treatment of you is not good. You need to make your heart like utter stone in order to do this. He'll start pissing and moaning and getting angry and begging, but only money in your pocket will deter you. Understand this. Also, different states have different statute of limitations, so don't go wishy-washy about it. Time *is* of the essence, because in not too many years (usually 2-6 years), you can't proceed on getting the money from him. So find out what your state statutes for collecting personal loan debt statute of limitations is.
I'm not a lawyer, so I'm not giving official legal advice. But usually, once someone sees that you have the resolve to collect on a loan and will take it all the way, often the cash comes out or the desperate begging for a settlement. Stay strong.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 December 2017):
 Well, you can do two things.
1. accept that the money spend is money lost. NEVER lend anyone money that you can't afford to lose.
2. TAKE the phone. Sell it on Ebay or wherever and recoup as much as you can. HE has no intentions of paying you pack or he would have already. And when I say TAKE it back... well YOU own it. You paid for it.
And yes, it seems like the relationship has run it's course. His priorities are him, himself and himself and not you at all.
Definitely, I'd go with option two and just take the phone back.
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