A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need advice. My boyfriend of 3 years and I haven't had sex in 5 weeks. He was away for one, and we were on a family vacation for another. (no privacy). But the bottom line is I have NO sex drive. He has told me he is saving for a ring and wants to get engaged. I think we would make a good team but there is no passion. There is love, respect, etcNormal? I'm 32. It's been 3 years.
View related questions:
engaged, sex drive Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, koenig  +, writes (1 June 2009):
It's certainly not abnormal, but that doesn't mean you need to settle for it.It could be caused by so many things. Sex drive is very... fragile, a lot of things can throw it off. Stress about your job, your family, your relationship or anything really.I presume you used to have sex drive and be turned on by him.One way to get a better sex drive is to have sex more. I know it sounds strange, but sex is an addictive activity. When you have sex or do anything that is in some way pleasurable, your brain releases a hormone (dopamine) which makes you want to do it again. If you start having regular sex again, your drive might come back.There also might be things that your partner can do to get you in the mood.If it's about stress or being really busy, then it might help to set aside some time to do it. Make the settings nice and romantic, go to bed really early, spend time just talking about anything and everything and enjoying each other's company. Then take it from there... That's not to say that you might need to still make a real effort to get in the mood, might just make it easier. Similarly, maybe you could take a weekend away together or something and take some time to really concentrate on just being together.I think for some people, they just are naturally less inclined to have sex as their relationship progresses. So instead they have to put in the effort to keep doing it. Like I said before though, the more you do it, the easier it will be.You definitely need to talk to him about it though. You never know, it might even be the worry about not having enough sex that's putting you of it.I know this advice is quite different to the other posters, I've talked more about possible solutions than I have the underlying reasons, but I do hope that this helps you out.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): Love and respect are really important. But passion is too. It would be awful to start the marriage without it -- so many marriages founder when the passion wanes. You need to figure out what's up -- is it just you, or is it something with him. I think you'd be doing yourself (and him) a terrible disservice to go through with an engagement feeling this way.
...............................
|
