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*ancypants143
writes:My mate and and I have not had sex for 2 years He says he can't get a hard on anymore, but he can materbate and watch porn alone, I am not sure if it is me or if he avoids me, I am happy about everything else in our relationship but the sex. He keeps saying he is going to get help. But won't pay the price for the blue pill. Do I stay or walk?
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reader, human_male  +, writes (23 May 2013):
 First talk to him and find out what the problem is. Tell him you're there for him, that you'll do whatever it takes to help him through whatever it is he's going through. Suggest seeing a doctor, or talking to someone or whatever. Give him your full support. But let him know that you're at the point of packing your bags because you can't take it anymore. But do that gently. Do not make it a threat or an ultimatum. But he needs to know how serious the situation has got.
But if he refuses to talk to you, get help, or acknowledge there is even a problem then and you've done all you can, then walk. It's been two years. Imagine how you will feel in another two. Or five. Or ten.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 May 2013):
 You walk. Been there; done that... Don't waste your time...
Sexual incompatibility is probably about the WORST problem that two people can have.... If they have OTHER incompatibilities, they can, and will, talk about them and seek to bring them to a resolution.... HOWEVER, we NEVER talk about sex with one-another. (We seem to believe that each and all of us is on - and understands - "autopilot"... and that that will bring us to a pleasant and satisfactory solution to our "problem".... Doesn't seem to work when one partner isn't much interested in sex/intimacy with the other...
Good luck....
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A
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reader, TeardropsOnMyGuitar  +, writes (23 May 2013):
You are happy with the relationship. It might be easy to think that he must be happy because if he were not happy, he would start making your life miserable. But he doesn't make your life miserable so therefore (put wrong conclusion here).He could be unhappy or at least unfulfilled in the marriage.The question you did not respond to is: What indication do you have, aside from choosing masturbation instead of choosing you, that he is happy or unhappy in the marriage?Now... there is a problem here. Asking you if he is happy may not uncover the truth. If you have blinders on and are not able to detect his unhappiness then you may come back with the wrong answers.Wow. You've really boiled it down to an (overly) simple question. How you manage to make leaving or staying boil down to "we haven't had sex for 2 years, should I leave?" is quite baffling.I'm wondering whether he is on this site asking, "I can't talk to my mate about anything. Getting her to see the complexities and discuss them is onerous. Should I leave?"I really wonder how you two communicate. I suspect you don't and without that, a relationship doesn't really exist and the living arrangement should be dissolved unless that problem gets fixed.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (23 May 2013):
 Sounds like a porn addiction. Like any addiction he needs to want help to get better. It's not a conscious choice, he needs help and a lot of work to stop. Check out this site for more information:
http://www.yourbrainonporn.com
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