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anonymous
writes: Hi, Im going totally crazy at the moment and I dont know what to do please help. Me and my guy are not having sex. Well he tells me that he doesnt want sex and feels that this is putting a strain on things. We always had a high sex drive together and all of a sudden he's not bothered and says that its not the be all and end all and that he loves and fanciess me. I know he isn't cheating, but he does look at a lot of porn. This in itself does upset me as I feel that he should be getting off with me, not some image on a screen. He says it's different looking at porn and getting off to having sex and that the looking at porn is just what men do. I've tried telling him how upset I am about not having sex and he says I'm overreacting. I've asked if there are ways in which I can spice things up and he just says he's not interested in sex at the moment. What do I do ? I really hate that when I'm not there he gets off on porn. How can he be so horny when im not there and not when I am, but then tell me that he does fancy me? It's driving me mad that we are not having sex as I feel we have lost that intimacy but he says that the intimacy is still there. I feel really cr$p about it all the time and it's not going away. He won't stop loooking at porn as he says the two are not related and that I'm making this bigger than it is. We have had sex recently but it's like he doesn't want to. Just wants to be with me and be loved. If he wasn't looking at the porn it wouldn't be so bad. I just want him to be getting off with me, not stupid woman on the net. I don't want to lose or leave him, I love him too much, but this is really silly. Any suggestions before I go completely mad!?
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reader, Wildberries +, writes (24 May 2005):
Porn in of itself is not going to destroy your sex life. There is more to it than that. Maybe he finds the woman on the screen less demanding and is able to relax and just enjoy himself rather than worry about what she is thinking. Is your sex life the same old thing all the time? Do you know what kind of things he is watching? Wwould it be something you would be willing to do with him? Try and find out...It may help.
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reader, wwww.datinghaven.com +, writes (5 May 2005):
First of all, I do understand where you're coming from, that he would rather get off to porn then the real thing with you, but some of the replies ... it's a man's human right to be able to get off to porn like it is for a women to finger herself for pleasure.I'm a bit puzzled to whats going on if he had a high sex drive, but the only thing I can think of is..is he finding sex painful for any reason? Obviously, only he would know that but you could tell by any sounds he might make the last time. Maybe you should both sit down and watch porn and let your imaginations run wild. It would also be a good idea to masturbate each other...he might just prefer that to sex itself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2005): Although he should be communicative, perhaps you should research his porn activites further...He may be loosing intrest, WHICH is not your fault, because it has become what many men term as "boring". To seek out porn on the internet may be a form of fulfilling some hidden fantasies he is having. Is the type of porn he views of particular nature... bondage, blonds, Groups?Maybe is is seeking adventure, perhaps you may try some things he is viewing if it really means that much to you to be staying with someone who has "lost interest".
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reader, TJ +, writes (4 May 2005):
Maybe you should try and watch the porn with him and you may be surprised to find that it is actually fun and it can turn you on as what you see on screen you can incorporate into your love life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2005): Porn is a form of mental cheating, unless you watch it together. And since your sex life is negatively impacted by his solo missions, it seems that your man is more of an autoerotic than a partner. Let him rub the prints off of his hand before he can call him your boyfriend again. This stuff only gets worse with time. Relationships are bound to go through stale phases. That's not ever an excuse for porno women to take the place of the real thing. And the excuse that 'that's just what men do' is too primitive. Tell your guy to evolve and start to pay as much physical attention to you as he does the airbrushed "women" on the computer screen or to get on with himself....literally.
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