| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: In love, but have no sex life!My boyfirend and I have been going out for 8 months. He's turning 24 and I'm 21. Although we have only been together for a short time we are very close- we talk about everything, spend heaps of time together and were best friends before we started dating. For the past couple of months we have basically had almost no sex (and not from my lack of hinting!) Whenever we talk about it, he always says he is too tired/stressed, as he works very hard. Even though he is still attracted to me I am beginning to feel like I'm begging him for some sexual attention. Help me, what do I say or do? I have never been in this situation before.
View related questions:
best friend, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, olgida +, writes (28 July 2005):
I have the same problem with my boyfriend. We`ve been together for 18 months and love each other very much. BUt...we don`t have sex life which I desire very bad. Last week I decided to talk to him about it. He was always giving me the same excuses that he is tired. But this time he told me that the reson that he doesn`t want to have sex is that he doesn`t like how I turn him on, that I do that very gentle. But I think that if he is a young guy, he supposed to want sex one`n while without my help. I really confuse and think that I`m not hot for him at all, but he repeating me that he loves me and want to have relationship with me. Yes, but I`m not sure that relationship can be successful without normal sex life. I love him too and want to be with him. But it is so annoing that some guys always remind me that I1m hot but I never hear that from my boyfriend. Maybe I`m over reacting and reallyy need to try turn him on agressively. But I still believe that he needs to want it too. I don`t want to be turned down again:(
A
reader, HappyTimeHarry +, writes (24 July 2005):
I know through past pain that is a bad situation to be in. It is painful because you doubt he still gets turned on by you and wonder what you did to set this all off. Filled with anxiety because you don't know what to do or not to do to get make things the way they used to be when everything was so good. And it just plain sucks you can't get laid. You can let this tear you apart, or consider this: it's not you or anything you're doing, it's him. You haven't backed off, he has. I'm gonna assume you've already mentioned the problem to him, and if not, then do so now. But trust me, guys don't like being pulled aside and sat down for a serious talk, because we hated when our mothers did that. Just try to talk when it's natural, like while you're eating together, walking, or some activity. Most guys don't like to be bothered in bed unless you are bothering them in a good way, and it sounds like this would be especially true of your guy since he is tired all the time and doesn't want to be seduced. Once you've poured your heart out, you've done all you can. Believe me, I wish I could change peoples' minds and actions, but I can't. In the end, he will do whatever he wants. You are caught in a gauntlet, an endurance test. You have to keep being loving and supportive while going to bed without sex every night and trying to shove back the doubts and pain. If he doesn't respond after all the time you can take, then you have to let go if sex is important to you. Don't be in a relationship unless it is good for YOUR life. I know you love him, and it seems like a shallow reason to cut someone out of the picture, but you must be happy. Hold on.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2005): I think you need to try some good old fashioned seduction. Wait until a weekend when he shouldn't be working and go for it. I think the problem might be that you are hinting that you want sex and giving him the opportunity to say that he is too tired or stressed. If you make 100% effort to seduce him and he still rejects you then you need to start questioning if the relationship is going to work.
...............................
|
