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female
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anonymous
writes: Ive found text messages on my mum's mobile which confirms she is flirting and perhaps contemplating having an affair with another man. My dad is so in love with her she would ruin him and our family if he found out. I don't know what to do. I haven't said anything to her. I can't forget and pretend I didn't read the messages.
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male
reader, Buty +, writes (11 August 2005):
Hi young girl! I must admit itz a really difficult situation. You must treat here carefully. Remember if you act hurriedlly and your dad gets to know it, two things are possible
1. Either your dad may believe you and and confront your mum, but the nature of confrontation will determine the relationship you will have with your mum after that.
2. If your mum stops before your father does any investigation, this would really impact negatively on you. Let me just give you a real life story that one of my female friends got involved in. By the way I live in South Africa, but I'm A kenyan by nationality. I was in Botswana before going to SA. This friend of mine was the first born in a family of four (2 girls, 2 boys). Her mum was cheating on her dad and she felt it was not proper. She talked it out with the mother but she gave no attention since the other sister was on the mother's side and was helping with connection between the mother and these other guys. A tense relationship grew between this girl and the mother. The father did not do anything to the wife and finally her mother and her sister never wanted her in the house. She was alienated and she felt like an outcast in her dad's house. Finally she had to leave home to fight for her on future. By the time I met her, she had not seen her familly for over three years and was not communicating with the mother. They did not even bother to take her to school until a good samaritan met her, took her into his house in Botswana and decided to take to school. Now she is registered nurse in Botswana. what a'm I saying, I'm saying this situation might ruin the good relationship between you and your mother and/or your family. So take care. Thanks
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2005): This must be huge, painful burden for you to be carrying around. It also must hurt a lot to be suspicious of your own mother. But you could be jumping to conclusions. Also, this is one of those decisions that has no right or wrong answer. You have two options:
1. Going on with your life, like you did not see the test messages or........
2. Have a talk with her and come right out and admit you saw her messages and you need a truthful answer.
If you do decide to talk to her about it, you need to address the situation in a mature manner. Do this at a time when it is you and your mother at a calm time, not in the heat of an argument. Let her know that you want her honesty and that you feel you have a right to know what is going on. Let her know that this is really important to you and that you care what is happening within your family. A potential affair on her part, would devastate your father and the family would suffer. It's highly likely, she will deny it and rightfully do..she may not be thinking of ifidelity. But if she is contemplating an affair, I can tell you, she may be jolted back into reality and have 2nd thoughts..when her own kid confronts her with their suspicions.
While you are deciding what to do, you may want to talk to a friend, peer counselor or a trusted adult about the situation. These kinds of situations are often hard to deal with and just talking about it can make it a little easier. Also, you need the support and guidance to help you along in the process. Take care and good luck and please...no more snooping in people's private stuff!
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