A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a small online business so I work at home. I have a wife, a lovely 1.5 year old daughter and I love them very much. We moved to a new house out of state to start a new beginning with our daughter. As our new home is bigger, my wife would struggle with house chores all day. I think she rather does that than babysit so I would have to feed my daughter, sing her lullaby every night. For that, my daughter is very attached to me. My wife still baths her, changes her diapers and cooks her dinner. I still love my wife but her constant negativity is driving me nuts. My parents would come over to help babysit, giving me a 2-3 hour time window to manage my business but she always finds a reason to complain about my parents. The last time it happened, I told her that I have had enough of her badmouthing my mother and now she says I treat my mom better than her, saying she's the only one doing all the labor at home and I don't show any care for her. I already have my business and daughter to worry about, and I only have 2-3 hours to manage my business every day and financially, it's not doing well. I have a very independent personality and I expect my wife to be strong during this hardship but it seems she's broken her last straw. Now she's threatening a divorce and take away the love of my life. We hadn't had casual talk for days and last night, she told me she could not tolerate my giving her the cold shoulder. Not wanting to worsen the situation, I started making small friendly talks today, trying to cheer her up but now she's telling me our marriage is over. I still love her very much but no matter what I do or say, she would not feel content. If it really comes to a divorce, I don't want to lose my daughter. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2010): It's not called babysitting when it's your own kids. It's called parenting.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): Hi. You say you only have a couple of hours to do your online business and its failing. That must be bringing hardship to your family. Maybe you should find a job and go out to work. Absence makes the heart grow stronger. If you are out in the daytime your wife will have more to do with her child which will help with bonding. And she might be happier to see you in the evenings and have more to chat about. And it will mean money coming into the household and that MUST help. Also, stop having your mother over to help. Let your wife do more. She must wonder what her role is in the household, apart from cleaning!
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (22 February 2010):
You have to have a meeting to discuss your marriage. She sounds like she is depressed. If you can't speak to her because it degenerates into a fight then write her a letter expressing how you feel and that you want her to tell you exactly what she needs you to do to make things easier at home. Maybe you need to consider attending a marriage enrichment course. Just google that term and many will come up. You owe it to yourselves and to your baby to at least try before giving up. If you have too much pride then only bitterness and resentment will build up like the old guy who posted earlier then all you have is a wasted life. Another thing is that as soon as your daughter is old enough to walk, start giving her chores. At about 1 she can put her toys away in the toy basket (let's play tidy up). At 2 she can start to put her plate and cup in the kitchen, at 3 she can help set the table or make her bed (you just straighten up for her after her effort)and so on. Give lots of praise at every attempt to help reinforce it. Women who get angry at doing chores is partly because they dont get help and partly because they were never trained while growing up because their mothers did it all for them. So when married it because a huge shock to manage everything. I often boast that my 12 year old son can make a full roast chicken dinner. My 5 year old daughter makes her own bed and vacuums her room with those hand held vacuums and sets the table like a pro. These things dont happen by accident. You have to train your children partly to make your life easier but also for their own future happiness. Ok, I'm going off topic here, but perhaps your wife needs a little help too; perhaps you could do dinner over the weekends.
As for your mother, some will not agree with me here but never openly take sides or fight openly about this issue. When you are with your wife, then she is number 1. When you are with your mother, then she is number 1. That's how most men manage it. You are rarely openly cornered to the "me or her" stage, so you take the side of whoever you are with at that moment; neither will ever be none the wiser. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 February 2010):
Sit down with her and ask he what you can do to make it better. And listen to her. She sounds like she's feeling depressed and neglected. Sit down with her and listen to what she has to say.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): My friend. believe me I am in the same situation as you, with the exception that we are married for over 30 years.exactly the same story and believe me when your daughter is old enough she will poison her mind just as my wife did with my kids and turned them against me.now I am contimplating separation and eventual divorce. I know my life will not be easy since I am in my late 60s and gave them all I had or earned in these years, but I simply can not bear it anymore.I only stayed till now because of the kids.now they are grown and turned against me by her continous gossip. unlike her I never complained her to the kids in my life so she had the field all to herself to turn them against me. my advice divorce. because it will only get worse.it will never get better.or give in to her whims and give up your parents. I even did that for many years but still it didn't help and now I am sorry I gave in to her whims and didnt see my parents when they died.
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