A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I was wondering if maybe you could give me some advice. I never seem to have any luck with relationships. I have many large groups of friends and enjoy socialising. I like to think that I'm a friendly, caring and outgoing person who is always there if anyone ever needs my help or a shoulder to cry on. I feel that I am an interesting person and have many interests such as music, sport, reading, politics, nights in/out, being with friends and am studying for a joint degree in ancient and modern history and am currently writting my own books.All my friends can't understand why I'm single and have no luck with men. Ok I'm not the best looking person in the world but hey my personality makes up for that.Whenever I do attract a guy and get to know him, they always end up hurting me, either by cheating, being abusive or just generally mess me about. Ok, I'm only 20 and maybe I shouldn't be worrying about this but I'm beginning to wonder if I will ever find someone who will love me for me and treat me well.Please help. What am I doing wrong?Thanx.xx. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone,
Thanx so much for taking the time to answer. Since posting my question, I've realised that I'm worrying too much about finding someone. I have a great life, great friends and family, so I'm going to concentrate on enjoying myself and if I meet someone along the way then great, if I don't, oh well. I will take all of your advice on board. Again thanx very much.xx.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): It's good that you have such a full life and lots of friends, shows that you are well worth knowing.
You have identified the things that go wrong when you are in a relationship so maybe before you get into another one you could read or find out about these things, maybe get some self-help books and work out why you put up with bad treatment, or don't maybe check people out enough first. Then when you do find someone, you will be happier.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (14 May 2009):
 You say you are quite outgoing and have large groups of friends - this could actually be off-putting to the sorts of men you want to attract. The nice guys like girls who are confident but they dont like girls that are really outgoing - the ones who are loud and party all the time are just a big no for the decent guys. And we all know, girls who are out in large groups will never get guys approaching them, men are intimidated by large groups of girls therefore they will stay away! Try going out in smaller groups (no more than 5), this will make you more approachable for the nice guys who might be a little shy. And if you go out in mixed groups (both girls and guys) then often guys when you are out will think one of the guys in your group will be your boyfriend so this would cause you problems too!
Make sure you are approachable, make lots of eye contact with guys when you are out (shows you like them) and be open to all sorts of guys. My friends who have been single for longest are always the really picky ones who will write a guy off almost instantly. Whereas me, who cant stay single for more than 2 months, I will always be open to dating different types of guys. I will always try and get to know someone before I make a decision on whether they will be right for me. I have been out with every type there is - ginger guys, arty types, engineers....you name it I've been there!
I'm trying to think of why I seem to have so much luck with men so I can help you (I can never understand it, I'm not really good looking at all and I would say I am a pretty normal person!). A lot of men always say they like me because I'm funny, I'm well-spoken (weird when I'm from Sheffield!) and that I have nice eyes. So maybe thats the secret?! I acutally think the reason I have no trouble with men is because I have always got on with men better than women - I lived with 4 guys at uni (I was the only girl!). So I guess I understand men more than most girls do, I know what they look for in a girl and I understand the way their mind works.
Its very odd - I have never been cheated on, no man has ever treated me badly and all of them that I go out with seem to fall in love with me and run around after me! If I could put my finger on it I think I should sell it and I would be very rich! I guess I am the quiet one in my group of friends - not sure if this helps me but it could be that if you are a bit quieter than the rest you seem more interesting.
I hope some of this has helped and just keep your chin up, you will find the right guy soon!
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A
female
reader, foxy7727  +, writes (14 May 2009):
 i feel the same way and im 20 i just got out of a bad relationship and this whole dateing/relationship thing drives me crazy i started to talk to this guy and idk if its going anywhere or if im wasteing my time i think its not us women its the men lol and i worry about finding the "right" person constantly i dont think 20 is to yung to be thinking into the future im just enjoying being single and dusting off the guys that come and go and feel life will play things out the way their supposed to good luck to u keep ur head up. dk if i was any help but if u wanna talk wrtie me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): hmm maybe you should let the guy know your interested in being more than just friends. it always helped for me :)
Generally i'm a natural flirt [so i hear] so even though i get uneasy about doing so, the end result is that you'll know if he wants that too or he doesn't. hope this helps :)
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