A
female
age
51-59,
*raceyann
writes:(MOD NOTE: 2 posts combined)I no longer find my husband physically attractive anymore. I married him aged 24 I am now 40 years old. The last time we had sex I hated every second of it.I have two children, and honestly feel I am now only with my husband for their sakes. I am very unhappy and lonely. How can I tell him the truth? Is anybody else living this nightmare?Second question:Our affair has ended, he ended it due to wanting to save his marrage. The trouble is I am overcome with grief...I love him and miss him so badly! He is in my thoughts all of the time, and it hurts not being able to talk to him. He is my best friend - is there anybody else out there feeling as bad as this? It is heart wrenching loving someone who can never be your!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Traceyann +, writes (3 April 2010):
Traceyann is verified as being by the original poster of the questionF.A.O Caring GuyI think once I have sorted myself out emotionally and learnt to deal with the loss of my bestfriend, I will feel stronger and will seriously think about leaving. I worry about is my kids and the effect on them. Its all such a shame and waste.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 April 2010):
You didn't say anything about those affairs your husband had, but it was pretty clear that there was more to this. T be honest, now I don't think that this can be fixed. I think it's gone too far. Walk.
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A
female
reader, Traceyann +, writes (3 April 2010):
Traceyann is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was once very happily married. My husband ruined everything by cheating. I discovered he has cheated many times, but always denied it. I made the decision to stay with him rather than ruin my childrens lives. If that is the wrong decision, then that is something I will have to deal with.
My best friend/lover came into my life and changed everything. I have never felt love like it. But unfortunatly, we both knew we could never be together and he has had to make the decision to finish our friendship. I am left feeling totally heart broken. I have never set out to ruin anybodys marrage or life. Sometimes love takes over.
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A
male
reader, lerokiya  +, writes (3 April 2010):
I don't know if women are hardwired to be more selfish when it comes to affairs. My ex seemed to thrive on lies and deception, it seemed to feed the affair she was having. Now that I put her butt to the curb, I have our kids with me, she has a relationship that she is desperately clinging to. Her bf has total control and no matter how much she degrades herself for him, he won't stay with her. I confronted both of them and now that the bloom is off the rose they are left with nothing but each other, a relationship based on lies and hurting others. What do you think would've happened to you if your cheating partner chose you? The cycle would repeat itself and both of you would start looking outside for somebody else to make your batteries recharge. If you don't have love for yourself, you can never find love from others.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2010): You know, I've read postings on here of women who's man cheated and the responses of women saying how he's a bastard and you should leave him, ranting about how he doesn't deserve forgiveness and should never be trusted again. If the cheater is the woman, however, everyone's supposed to have compassion on her for how unhappy she is and how much she hurts over losing the other guy! What about your betrayal to your husband, not to mention helping to ruin someone else's marriage. You need to stop thinking of only yourself and come clean with the man you committed your life to and seek his forgiveness. Whether he deserved such betrayal or not doesn't excuse your responsibility.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 April 2010):
You need to stop grieving for this other married man. Married men seldom leave their wives, and basically he has had his fill and now wants to get back to his family life.
I'm guessing there's actually a lot more to this change in your marriage that you just no longer finding your husband attractive. It sounds more like he doesn't really give you enough attention. Perhaps your marriage isn't as dead as you think it is. Perhaps it can be saved if you tell your husband you're unhappy and things need to change, even if it means counselling. Start there. If nothing changes after that, then leave. It will do your children more harm than good to stay, because they will blame themselves if they ever find out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): I feel you 100%. I just ended my affair a few days ago. I have been with my husband for 10yrs. My boyfriend is a lot stronger them me. I still call/text once a day but not him. We ended it because he wants to save his marriage. What he does not understand is I would have love to be with him. Its hard to let someone go when his wife is a pshyo!
I think about him almost every momement of the day. I miss his voice,smell, and the way he made me laugh. Everytime my phone rings I pray its him on the other end...but its not. I just wish this pain will go away..it hurts.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): So..what you don't love him because you don't find him "handsome"?
Unless you meant "mentally" which is through mind and personality and not looks.
And if that's the case then you're shallow.
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