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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have 2 children ages 2 and 8. Why can't a man understand that the sex is not going to be the same after having children? I have had the long sulks, constant aruguments yet not much help with the kids, which would be a great help. But I am usually tired at the end of the day and do not have the energy for sex. I just want to sleep, not be touched leading to sex. It bores me. There are times I don't think we are going to make it as a married couple on top of everything else, like his drinking after finishing his work and constant smoking and his moodiness, which is forever getting on my nerves. Must I fake the sex just for some peace and quiet in the house? Please help me.
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female
reader, Anja +, writes (8 June 2006):
 You just don't feel sexy any more! And it's no wonder when your husband comes home with beer on his breath and you spending the day tearing your hair out with the children!! Some men feel they don't need to do anything any more to make a women feel special and sexy. Once you have children, they tend to leave you to it because lets face it, we are the best at raising children, housekeeping, cooking etc...! You've been doing too much and not leaving anything for him to do. He'd soon notice something was wrong if you left the dishes unwashed, dirty laundry on the floor, I'm not saying you should do this. But he needs to realise that there are two of you in the marriage. There is no 'I' in team, that is what a marriage is. You both should be working together, not against each other. I'm no marriage counseller, I'm not even married myself so I can't really give you suggestions on what you could do. But I hope what I've said has helped a little, maybe have a look and see if there are any marriage guidance counsellors in the area. You could start to go on your own, then if you think your husband may be interested take him too. Although I guess it could be the expense...talk to your GP, they may have suggestions.. Take care, all the best, keep us posted.
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female
reader, matron +, writes (7 June 2006):
 Hi, the problem as i see it is that you feel like a wife, mother and housekeeper, you dont feel appreciated and you've lost your identity whereas your husband spends time away from the home environment with workmates then socialises with friends when he leaves off, comes home stinking of the pub and expects you to be loving and up for sex. It doesn't work like that, marriage and parenting is a joint effort and you should both have outside interests and friends to escape to. Some husbands can be so selfish and some wives unknowingly encourage it by being the good little housewife and doing everything to please the family and forgetting about their own needs, the husband believes the wife is happy and she is for a while, but that happiness turns to resentment but the wife forgets to share her feelings with the husband, so she is the only one that knows how she feels.You need to talk to him tell him exactly how you feel and make plans, discuss what you both want from this relationship, try to remember why you fell for each other in the first place and try to bring a bit of YOU time back by spending quality time together. Good luck x x
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