A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been married less than a year and for the most part it has been miserable. It is a second marriage for both, he is 58 and I am 50. We are both retired and while not rich we manage. When we got married last year, we both knew that I was not "in love" but love and care for him. I think he is in love with a fantasy person and life that only lives in his head.He had been married for 35 years and divorced for three, with two grown children. I had been single for 30 years after a brief teenage marriage with no children. I don't think we have anything in common. I am bored with him (he doesn't work, and basically is dependent on me to make plans, make decisions). I realize now that we are not intellectual equals and he is a bit lazy (never finishes anything, slow to act). While I had a very active sex life when single, I hate having sex with him. Emotionally, he seems very clingy and too needy.My husband has some health issues and some history of depression (mental illness runs in his family). I think these issues have become a crutch for him. He lives in a dream world about the future. He is basically a good guy just boring.It has only been a year, but the thoughts the rest of my life like this makes me sad. I feel like my life is over since getting married. I don't have anyone to talk to and have never felt more lonely. What now? Do I just pack up and leave, financially hope for the best?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think I need to clear up a couple of things. There was a time when I was really "in love" with him. But some critical life circumstances got in the way and he bailed. He really needed to live on his own after so many years of marriage. I had no ill-will and knew in the long run that it was for the best thing for him to do.
We got back together after a couple of years. We really do love and care for one another. He convinced me that he had a new vision for his life, that he felt strong and realized that the separation had been the best thing for him. While I was broken-hearted at first, I know that life goes on and it did.
I wish there was a handbook "Marriage in Your Later Years For Dummies". I feel like a total failure.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think I need to clear up a couple of things. There was a time when I was really "in love" with him. But some critical life circumstances got in the way and he bailed. He really needed to live on his own after so many years of marriage. I had no ill-will and knew in the long run that it was for the best thing for him to do.
We got back together after a couple of years. We really do love and care for one another. He convinced me that he had a new vision for his life, that he felt strong and realized that the separation had been the best thing for him. While I was broken-hearted at first, I know that life goes on and it did.
I wish there was a handbook "Marriage in Your Later Years For Dummies". I feel like a total failure.
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A
male
reader, Ted-ster +, writes (2 March 2009):
You made a mistake. You might run the risk of increasingly getting resentful. You say you love and care for him, but certainly not by your other words, and I'm guessing not by your actions. You were both lonely clearly when you got married. Talk to him, and say that you do love him, be gentle, but that you can't stay married to him, and for the both of you, move on. It will be more cruel in the long run.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): Why did you get married and what did you like about your husband when you all were dating?
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