Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionReading what I wrote it sounds like a crazy movie. I guess all the stress really affects a relaitonship and without fully understanding what the other has gone through it is hard to understand. so the anwer is communication. But HOW do you get a man who has an extremely difficult time talking about any emotion to communicate. Suggestions would help.
Would hate to lose this love. It does not come often
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for helping. Your feedback is great. We are going to talk about our issue tomorrow or Wednesday. We did talk tonight but I was too emotionally distraught to go into anything want to alkint in person. He is vey tough - i think afraid - something happened in his past with his girlfriend of 4 years and when is mother died she did not even go to the funeral. I have also had a tough year loss of my father, step father in full assisted living, my mother fell and was in critcal for 1 month out of state took 4 months to get here to walk again He is a man of his word so I should trust him but yet for me trust takes a long time. I also had a stalker from out of state who he told nicely to leave me alone. Then one month later he followed us into a restaurant and he punched him. He was mad I did not get a restraining order we went to the police together they told me not to do it. He had to get a lawyer 10K. Case thrown out. Then I was out stalker came up to me grabbed police got him. He was right it has always bothered him that I did not trust him to do this. I thought it would open a can of worms. I had bad advice from the cop. he was upset about that but we worked thru it. It was a major prob that I did not listen perhaps and did not trust him he thought. He has stood by me but when I got jealous I guess it was his way of thinking I dont trust him again. It has been tough, he is tough. His way of looking at thingsis that you are being disrespectful. Like i am even being disrespectful to doubt his word of his feelings for me but I cant read his mind especially if we dont talk. I live in florida now sometimes i think the transient flow of people makes it very hard. So I guess I needs to trust and he needs to communicate and not think everything I dont agree with is being disrespectful to him. Any advie
...............................
A
female
reader, Plutonious  +, writes (2 March 2009):
Okay maybe two can play that game, but does two wrong make a right? NO.
You should be the better person, be the mature one in this situation. You should response casually. say you were in the meeting and now you are done, Then you ask "Are you ready to hear me out now?"
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNot sure if this went through. But jsut rec'd his call. My last text that was sent at 3pm said that he is being mean by not responding at all and being an ostrich. I sent this first text at 9 am. He jsut called to say he is responding but I was on a business call. Have not called back yet. Feel like giving him a dose of his medicine but dont think it would even affect him. But if he is acting like a child perhaps i should too.
What should I do? Right now I dont even feel like talking to him!
...............................
A
female
reader, Plutonious +, writes (2 March 2009):
HOLY CRAP! then it is time to talk to one another. Two weeks? He holds alot of grudge.
you are right he probably is punishing you probably for nothing.
When you guys do talk, tell him everything in the most genuwine way you can, not coming off rude or anything considering what just happened for the past two weeks. "no communication"
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe just called. I texted him that it was mean of him not to respond to my text and to stop being an ostrich. I did not take his call on business line. His message I am responding. But I am a bit peeved so want to wait a bit to call back. I need some advice now. he probably will say he is not ready to talk.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to you both. It has been approx. 2 weeks. I saw him on Friday but he would not even discuss it. We had agreed to talk on sat but he was not ready said i was pushing him away. What does he call this. I feel like he is punishing me. This behavior makes no sense. We never even had a fight I got jealous was not mean just said I cant take this. I told him I guess I just dont do it for you and he said no that is not true. so the even bigger thing that was Wednesday he seemed fine. We were suppose to go to 2 planned events saturday one being a formal black tie affair. On Saturday he said he was not taking me. Is this guy just an abuser and an emotional child because he is mad. there is no other girl I know that for a fact but he does surround himself with older women friends (65-75) a saftey for him i suppose so he doesnot have to have emotions. Why did I have to fall in love this boob.
...............................
A
female
reader, Plutonious +, writes (2 March 2009):
Being in a relationship is all about COMMUNICATION. You need communication to discuss whatever that was a miscommunication and misunderstanding. What can you do in your power to get him to talk to you at least text you? NOTHING. so let him deal with his frustration on his own. He obviously does not want to hear anything from you, probably still pissed off for nothing since you say it is a misunderstanding. Well it depends on what you said to him to make him not communicate with you. or does this happen often when you guys fight?Give him that space he needs, or wants... when he is ready to talk to you, then he'll call. He can't go on without talking to you again. That's immature. How long has been like this?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNot sure if my previous answer went through so I'll write again. Thank you for your response. No I always had good communciation except with him. We had a similiar incident happen and he got mad and we split up for 2 months. We kept in contact light conversation. We became friends again, never discussing what happened he says it is a girl thing and then he lead it back into a relationship. Last time he said I love u in may ways but we dont think alike and I dont want you in my bed and I am done. Last time I had the key to his house. This time he is saying the same thing. I just saw him a few days ago and we talked but not about the issue. I thing he has a jealousy problem and gets mad and says I am being disrespectful. I know he tries. This time I got jealous, but when I heard his side of the story I understood and apologized but of course he did not want to hear mine. I have texted him - he does not text - but he has not called me back. This has been so hurtful. Should I call him. I really have to know why he gets so angry - can he not admit when he is wrong? Is this a control punishment thing.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answer. Actually no everyone I have dated has always communicated. We had this happen before and we started being friends agains and he lead it back into a relationship. I know he loves me that is a given. I really need to talk with him - not so much to get back with him eventhough that is what I want - but more to understand if it is something in his past that he is responding. I guess if he wont respond I should just walk away and move on with my life. He really devastated me before and now he is doing it again. Why wont he just let me have closure. Does his anger take so long to decided. The whole incident was silly and I understand his way of looking at it. But he wont let me tell him mine. He is so stubborn. I really cant stand this.
...............................
| 