A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Just a month ago, I married the love of my life. We have been together for 5 years and I thought things were great. Now I am realizing that he is not faithful. He left his phone laying around one day and I read some of the text messages this person sent him. Together they are having very graphic, very detailed sexual conversations about what they want to do to each other and about things they have already done. What do I do now?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): Why didn't you check his phone before you got married a month ago? Five years together, it does not make sense.
Why would he leave his phone for you to peruse if it had incriminating conversations?
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (16 September 2009):
 I agree to confront him. He may be upset about you snooping. But I look at it like this. If you have to keep things private in a marriage, you're probably doing something you shouldn't be doing. Being married that short of period and not really knowing who you married, that's gotta be hard. I hope everything works out for you.
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A
male
reader, Candleman +, writes (16 September 2009):
 There are 1 of two things that are going on. 1. He's just doing this as a fantasy thing. No real contact involved just a vicarious relationship. He's probably going to say that this is what it is. (Is this true though?????)2. He's screwing around all the way.It is easily considered cheating either way. One more so than the other. You probably already confronted him with this so any other actions he may commit will be hidden by him. If you haven't ,then legally snoop on him (beware there is a lot of things that can get you into trouble, privacy laws and everything.) You can still check the phone records, cell phone carriers carry these for many months, so have him go online to review it. Hire a PI if need be. If it is just fantasy, then I'd say the relationship would have a better chance. It's weird and deceiving, but not the worse thing in the world. The problem is he is probably going to say this because it is the easiest lie that comes to mind and it is not as condemning. But will this really be true? Keep monitoring things if this is the case to look for slip ups. If he's going the whole way, then you have to go through the whole emotional roller coaster of dealing w/ being cheated on. The problem is that many people who cheat never confess. If he has then you have to go through the process of grieving which is like losing someone to death. Many people have gone through a cheating partner and survived. I know three couples that have. Many others have not. Once you've determined whether he has or hasn't gone the whole way, then you can begin to deal with the more extreme emotions of betrayal.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): Confront him factually without emotion. Plan the conversation. Be prepared because he will be angry about your spying on him. If you do not have trust and fidelity in a marriage, you have nothing. Have been there and done that.
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