A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I woke up the other morning to my boyfriend of 7 months alarm on his phone which is normal. I reached over to turn it off. I don't know how commom it is but sometimes when things are kindda fishy I get really bothered. And it just so happened that I felt that way when I woke up. I just looked at his text to see who he had been talking to the day before and I seen a name that I seen before that I'm not so cool with her conversation. This text basically said from him," that I won't some of you". And she responded," I thought you and your girl were cool". He say," yeah but does that mean we can't have dinner". She says, "nawh I might want you to jump on me". And he says," I can do that". I confronted him that morning he says it was just a joke and he doesn't want her. He had the chance to talk to her before we started dating and he choose not to. I am beyond pissed and I have no idea what to do. He has been calling all day and sending me text about how he doesn't want to loose me. And all I do is think about the words in that text and I get pissed all over again. What should i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): His texts says it all doesn't it?
If you believe his lies he will continue. This man is playing with you. He is not serious and he has actually revealed that he is far from the faithful type. Before long he will be in this other woman's pants.
Ditch him. He has no scruples.
LoveGirl
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): I think it's time to move on. He is lying to you and the text really say it all, it doesn't matter if he hasn't physically cheated yet, he is trying to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): When it comes down to it, you can't trust him. It's really that simple. I knew a guy like your boyfriend, he had a girlfriend yet had no problem with sleeping with other women behind her back.
The texts you wrote are very very similar to the kind of thing he'd write. He's lying, you know he is deep down, but now you've caught him out he's come crawling back to you.
You can't trust him and you'll never be able to trust him. A relationship can't work without trust and he's blown it. You can do much better than him and if you stay he'll make you miserable.
Be thankful you found out what he's like early into the relationship. Yes, it sucks but you have had a lucky escape. He has no respect for you or your relationship and the sooner you tell him it's over the better.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (11 January 2011):
 Jeez, what an idiot he is! He obviously thinks it's cool to have a girlfriend and still see other girls as well, as long as he doesn't get caught. Some people just have no problem being dishonest as long as they are having fun. He probably even gets kicks out of the fact he's doing it behind your back.
Sadly it's just in the nature of some peopl. If they can get away with it they will and sadly some of them never get caught and have to face the consiquences, while their spouse or partner is oblivious and at risk of life threatening STDs without ever knowing, nevermind the fact their relationship is a lie.
My point is, you have been very lucky here. You know now what this guy is like. He thinks nothing of flirting with and trying to sleep with other girls, while pretending to you that he's a faithful boyfriend. Unlucky for him, he got caught red handed.
It is your choice whether you stay with him. But do you really want to be with a guy who basically agreed to sleep with someone else behind your back? Respect is the minimun you deserve and he has just shown you he has none for you whatsoever. What a jerk! There is no excuse for this. If it was me I would run, and get over him asap.
People will only treat us the way we allow ourselves to be treated. If he gets away with it you are re-affriming to him that he can bahave this way to you and to women in general, and get away with it. The fact is, cheaters will cheat because they can get away with it. The only thing that might make them see the error of their ways is if they face consiquences for their actions, such as losing someone they love. But then again, is it real love if he's willing to risk that for a roll in the hay? What do you think?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): I don't think you are going to trust him again and you will still want to look at his phone and see whether or not he is back 'cheating' on you. In addition he will work even harder to hide his flirting and potential cheating so that you won't be able to find out about it. The reason he is pestering you so much is out of guilt - he got caught. Basically what would have happened if you had not found the text? Your hunch was correct and if you have any self respect you should move on. If you take him back all it is saying is "flirt and cheat on me because I'll always let you get away with it".
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A
female
reader, LeahVictoria +, writes (11 January 2011):
My friend had a similar situation. She went mental and wanted to split up with him. Then we had a chat. He didnt actually cheat on her. Like ur boyfriend hasnt cheated but has betrayed your trust. Would he have gone through with it or suddenly realise no i dont want to cheat on my girlfriend.
Im someone who finds it difficult to trust and this would have thrown me off balence.
You have a choice you can continue your relationship. i would make it known to him if he cheats once then its over. I would also if you get the chance check up on him again.
Or completely finish the relationship.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (11 January 2011):
 From what he wrote in that text to this other girl it is blatantly obvious that his intentions were along the lines of cheating, and if he could have he would have had you both on the go. You found the text, and now he is doing all he can to wriggle out of it. You know in your heart of hearts what you want to do here, but i guess the question you have to ask yourself is if you take him back could you ever trust him that he would not do this again?. Personally i think you should go and find someone that gives you the love and respect that you so rightly deserve.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 January 2011):
 Well he has broke your trust by sending this text to this girl, some men are just stupid and theres words speak louder than there actions however it was obviously in his mind to cheat, maybe he wouldnt have maybe he would have who knows but it is up to you now if you want to forgive him and move on from it, if you dont then finish things with him and look for a man that will respect you and want to be with only you.
But if you decide that you want to be with him and that you can forgive him then he needs to work hard on getting you to trust him again and proving to you that he is going to commit to you 100%.
Goodluck.
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A
male
reader, Azza +, writes (11 January 2011):
You have no reason to put up with that sort of thing. nothing how I would call a joke. I don't know how the rest of your relationship is and if you love him, but you can always do better than a guy who takes you for granted like that. If he doesn't want to lose you then why do his actions say otherwise.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): Cheaters lie.
You can't figure this out easily.
You should be pissed, and if you weren't it would be a problem. However, you need to be aware that no matter how pissed you are, no matter how sure you are, you simply cannot be sure.
7 months into a relationship, he should be all into you, not someone else at all.
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