A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met a girl for a drink, in a non date setting. we hadn't known each other before hand. I ended up going to her place and we kissed and cuddled. she was about to move out of the country, and we both knew it, but I really liked her so wanted to be close anyway. I left that night and we spent the next couple of days together getting to know each other more and the night before she left we slept together. we both said that we don't have casual sex, and its safe to assume that it meant a lot on both sides. i think it's safe to assume we fell for each other. well she left and we've been writing emails and i am already trying to think up ways to see her again. some background about me, i'm experienced with LTRs, i'm attracted physically and emotionally to very very very few people. this girl really felt right, which puts me in a position of maybe trying to hard for something that isn't possible right now. i'm still trying to gauge how she feels about there being "us" possibility, or if she is talking to me to quell the post-sex emotions and not feel like she had sex with someone she doesn't know. also, we are both fairly transient people. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sick  +, writes (24 January 2010):
you are sweet... but you have to look at this discerningly.
LTRs are great but LDRs are quite a different story. i have been there and it can get difficult.
first getting into a relationship with someone living so far away takes a whole lot more commitment. it would have been easy if relationships where all sunshine happy. unfortunately, even with people living in both ends of the world, there will be issues and problems. resolving issues can be really a burden when the person you have to work them out with is not just a corner away. there will be a lot of phone calls and trust me.. yahoo, msn,and skype never really work.. you will be spending heaps of time over the phone and it can get very expensive. plus when you do make up, you don't get the rewards normal relationships have. there will be no kissing or hugging or whatever you do after.
second, since there is this constant feeling of separation, both of you will be finding yourselves in a place you will be seeking constant reassurance. this can be very stressful as it opens the door to the beginnings of a very "needy" relationship. it can be maddening when you have to talk and your partner is no where to be found. it can even be worse knowing you are so far away from each other and somehow you see yourselves needing some "space." either way, be it for you or for her, it can get very confusing. you will never really be able to put your finger on it.
i'm not saying, though, that you shouldn't try it. one thing good about LDRs is that the only way you can really get close is to constantly communicate verbally. this is actually the good part. you'll find yourself talking more than you ever did with partners who lived on the block. so, if it does survive, you usually end up heaps closer than you ever were with any of your other girlfriends.
i know you sincerely want this. you, however, have to decide if you are really ready for it. breaking up in a long distance situation can be very tragic. there is no knowing if you will see each other again or if you will ever get that closure.
i am speaking of this as i know it. in my case, it did work out because after a year he flew all the way here to live with me... and we are still together.
so unless you are quite sure you are ready, what i suggest is you take it slow. don't get her committed to you if you have doubts. she might be better off finding the love of her life where she is.. and that holds true for you too.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): this is the OP
thanks for the response! that is how i am handling it. i guess i feel she's worth getting a little crazy over. this is a new situation for me, any long distant thing i've done has been after already knowing a person very well. i feel a little crazy about this, it was the perfect combination of having something you cant have and then having it gone. but anything is possible right?
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (24 January 2010):
Well just be honest!
Tell her you want to give it a go and if she says yes then great. If she says no then move on.
Just because it was a very very short romance doesn't mean it was a casual meaningless shag.
Remember her fondly and move on if she doesn't want to be with you.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): If you say you email this girl then ask her out and suss out her feelings for you. maybe you could try sex again and see how it works out.
Hope this helps
xxx
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