A
male
age
41-50,
*luesMan83
writes:I have been dating my girlfriend for almost 2 months. We met at work and so far everything has gone fairly well. So far, we only have 2 issues that cause a little tension. When we first started talking as friends, she mentioned that there was an apartment in the next building that was up for rent, I needed an apartment so I put down a deposit and moved in. We see each other every day, kinda hard not to given the living situation. The first issue we seem to have is spending time together, I personally love being with her as much as possible, I've been in relationships where the other wanted to be alone 24/7 and only hang out with me when it was convenient for them. Her last boyfriend saw her maybe once a month, always cancelled plans, and just wasn't around. The issue is that she has said we spend a lot of time together, which we do, and she isn't used to it. I don't really know what to do about that, to find middle ground if you will.Next, she drinks occasionally. I am a recovered alcoholic of 7 years, and despise the stuff. She knows how I feel about drinking, but she has said that it's something she doesn't want to give up right now. My question is since it's barely 2 months in, is this something I need to push to the back?
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male
reader, BluesMan83 +, writes (21 May 2013):
BluesMan83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the encouraging words. In response to the last post, I do see her as possibly being "the one", and yes she is still deciding. It's just really hard to not see her since we live literally a building apart, and at times I can tell it bothers her that I am around so much since she isn't used to it. But we seem to have a good time, crack jokes, laugh, and just hang out.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (21 May 2013):
 There’s nothing to push back except for spending a lot of time together. At first it’s always a bit intense, but after a while you could plan to have date nights rather than taking it for granted that you’re only an apartment away. Otherwise the next thing would be rushing into living together, because you’re always there. The middle ground is for you both to take turns in e.g. cooking for each other in your own apartment on the week-ends, and come Sunday night you return home; just as you would if you lived further away. Mid-week you drop over for a chat, stay for dinner or bring something over for dinner, watch a bit of TV together and again go home. That way you don’t wear out the welcome mat and everyone has their space. This also creates romance in that you look forward to seeing each other, rather than being taken for granted turning up unshaven and looking a mess if that maybe the case...As for her drinking, that really shouldn’t be an issue if you continue with a 12 step programme? Your focus is about one day at a time with ‘your’ sobriety, and nothing to do with her ‘occasionally’ drinking… It would be in your own best interest to address this issue with yourself if it’s going to be a problem. Decide to accept the things you can not change...Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (21 May 2013):
 Everyone has their preference, but every day is way too much for me. It allows little to no time alone or with friends or family. There is no room for the individual to grow and if the individual stagnates, the relationship stagnates. Twice or three times a week might be good enough for her.
By 'push back' the alcohol, do you mean push it back in importance or delay imposing rules for it until you're more firmly established with her? You said she doesn't want to 'give it up right now'. If those were her words, then she obviously thinks this is your expectation. Is it?
She doesn't have to give up alcohol now or ever. It hasn't been a problem for her and she enjoys a glass once in a while (as it is meant to be enjoyed). The goal is to overcome a dependence on alcohol, not abstain from everyone who drinks it (unless they too have a problem).
You're going to encounter many people in your life who do the same and it would be a good idea to come to some kind of terms with it. It would be a shame to deny yourself the company of quality people. And good people make a good support system which encourages your recovery.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2013): Perhaps she is just adjusting to all the attention and closeness. You must admit that going from seeing her boyfriend once a month to seeing you every single day is a big change.
I would not push her too much with the drinking. While I understand your side, you only know her for two months. As long as it is "low key" drinking I think it would be a bit presumptuous of you to expect her to stop.
It appears (I repeat appears) that you may be looking at her as "the one" whereas she is deciding. Since it's only two months in, I have a tendency to agree with her timeline a bit more than yours.
All the best!
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