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I've reconnected with an old boyfriend but don't want to hurt my most recent ex!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Friends, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 November 2017) 3 Answers - (Newest, 4 December 2017)
A female United Kingdom age , anonymous writes:

Hi I've recently met an old boyfriend from years ago ,we still like each other ,I've been in a relationship over a number of years ,but split 3 years ago but are still friends ,it was a violent relationship that's why it ended but I still have feeling for him although we don't live together and have no intimate ties. The new friend I have met makes me happy makes me laugh ,and I've fallen for him ,but don't want to hurt my ex , some of my family are happy for me but others think I'm shamefull ,please help my head is in a mess I don't know what to do for fear of hurting everyone

View related questions: my ex, violent

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (4 December 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntHonestly if your ex was violent and you are still being friends three years later with feelings involved then I can see why you would feel you are doing wrong by him by moving on. I don't think the friendship that you have with your ex is healthy and I think you need to end it. I think you need to be honest with him, tell him you have met someone who you like and that you want to move on. It will be much easier to move on if your ex is out off the picture. However it does worry me that this guy you like at the moment also was an ex partner what was the reason you both broke up years ago and has that been solved?

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (22 November 2017):

N91 agony auntThis post isn't very clear at all.

Who is violent? Your ex or the new guy? If it's who you've reconnected with then I think you'd be EXTREMELY irresponsible to get back together with him.

I think you need to update this post and be more clear with the situation.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (22 November 2017):

Honeypie agony auntDo you really think getting back together with this "blast from the past" is the best idea?

You mention it was a violent relationship, why would you want to go back to that? It is VERY rare that abusive and violent people stop being who they are and become gentle loving folks.

Or is the your "recent ex" that was violent? If so, then go slow and see where it's going to the "blast from the past".

It's a little hard to figure out who is who in your post.

And - How is it shameful for you to date someone?

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