A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice with how to deal with a new work collegaue.She has only joined the team for 3 weeks and already she is making everyones business hers...she is very cocky,and nosey and the worst thing is that she keeps inviting herself along to things we planned. For example me and another colleague always go to the cinema once a month after pay day...we were discussing what film to watch and new colleauge butts in telling us what to watch and then invites herself along! Obviousy we dont want to be complete bitches towards her and say "no" so we let her come. If she said "do u guys mind me joining you" we wouldnt have cared but its her attitude.Not to mention all she talks about is herself and is so opinionated all she did that evening was slag our manager and other colleagues off!Even at lunch the other day i decided to go to town and she said i'll come with you-she didnt ask.She has lots of friends of her own so its not as if she is lonely.Now if any of us plan anything we dont discuss it in work-we text in the evening so she wont find out.HELP!!!
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female
reader, Original shiraz! +, writes (30 April 2009):
Maybe she thinks this is her way of fitting it? Nobody has breeched the subject with her yet so she feels thatbeing this way has made her accepted. If this was brought to her attention you may be pleasently surprised to her personal feelings. People handle nerves and meeting new people difficult and with they adjust who they are to suit others, she may well be an opinionated person with inly herself in mind or she could be covering up the cracks? Nobdy is perfect and her annoyin behavouir will only continue with her totally oblivious unless you adress the matter, professionaly with a touch of friendship? Be even with how you handle this or she will turn it to the 'everyones against me' and nobody wants that uncomfortable surrounding environment let alone one you all have to work in, together. Talk to her and your colleagues, next time say to her actually this is nothing personal its something weve always done together... and then invite her to something less personal where your in control. Get to know her more, the more you understand her and her nature the more you can adjust, if you like!, to her personality. shes trying to be the one everyone likes right now, normal in a new job so whilst keeping yourselves to yourselves even it out slightly, give her a chance and if you get nothing then you can always say you tried right from the start. Everyone deserves that chance, get to know the real her and take it from there.
A
female
reader, jessica04  +, writes (30 April 2009):
 I think there could be one of two reasons for this;
1) she is insecure and wants to imerse herself fully in the group to get in the middle of things, making her "belong". She jsut sin't very tactful about how this works for normal people.
2) She has no clue that she is still in many ways and "outsider", and she doesn't read social cues very well, leaving her to believe she is totally a part of the group and enmeshed in everything you all do.
Maybe make a point of asking her specifically out to do something. Or next time she invites herself along, say "Really, this was just for me and X to do, but can you and I go grab lunch tomorrow?". this will hopefully let her know that your social engagements are planned ahead of time, and that she needs to "make and appointment" with people.
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (30 April 2009):
 Being a new colleague is hard so maybe this is her way of dealing with it. She slags people off because she wants to try to find common ground with you by talking about people which you both know. If it makes you uncomfortable then talk to her one day and tell her to stop talking about people negatively! She may be inviting herself along without asking to make herself seem like 'one of the gang' and she may not be aware that she Is being impolite. You need to switch roles with her because I think she is finding it hard, if you put yourself in her position you'll realise why she does the things she does. Continue texting in the evening with your friend and then she won't find out about your plans, she won't feel offended by you not wanting her to come and you won't feel obliged to let her come. Keep personal plans to yourself and when in work focus on work. X
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