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New boyfriend's female friends.....

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 November 2011) 7 Answers - (Newest, 19 November 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi hi..

My boyfriend and I have been going out for about 5 months. Its all going well, we have been taking it slowly, not rushing anything, and were both really happy.

The thing I am wondering about it, is the fact that he has so many female friends. I've never dated a guy with so many. They are all from either travelling or uni, and some from earlier school.

He's always very open about it and has never worried about it, never has anything to hide. He introduces me to them all, and I've not had any problems with any of them. I met him though one of his good female friends.

a) I wonder with all these female links, why has he been single for a while. hes dated, but never anything serious for a long time.

b) Ive just never come across a guy with so many close female friends - is that normal??

He does also have just as many male friends too.

But like Tuesday night, he goes to cinema with one. Weds he goes climbing with 2 others, thurs he was having a catch up with one that was visiting from abroad.

And honestly the way he talks about them, and situations, i'm totally comfortable about it all. Strangely I really am?! Some of the girls have even said lovely things to him about me. Can I also add I am finding it more tiring trying to get on with so many girls, boys are so much easier to 'win over' and impress. haha!

I just want to know if all is ok or if I'm missing something???

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011):

I don't see any problem with this. I'm a woman, and I'm married, and I have more male friends than I do female friends. (but my closest friends are female)

you should be thankful your bf has so many good platonic friends who are women. That means it's more likely that he is sensitive and a good communicator and can understand how the female mind works. This is all good for YOU when it comes to your relationship with him.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Its really reassuring to hear 4 positive comments!

Miamine makes a good point that they are people he has met through spending quality time, not just people from random places he can't explain.

I am comfortable with it for the time being, but I guess if there comes a time when i'm not feeling confidant, I might get overwhelmed.

I guess I was just being concerned if I'm trying to be too level headed about it, and if I should be questioning it more, if theres questions I should ask him about it?

He's not a great great communicator, and you'd think if he's got so many female friends, he'd find it easy?

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A female reader, thinkb4 Papua New Guinea +, writes (18 November 2011):

I would be worried if he kept them secret,but he doesnt. You are lucky to be dating such a popular guy.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2011):

If your comfortable with it then its OK I guess

I can honestly say hand on heart I don't think I could cope with it, not the schedule he keeps, cinema and catch ups etc - no matter how open he is.He's a busy man.

Nor would I want to impress them all..On the plus side he must know what he wants in a relationship and you must be special to him as he has all these women around but chose you to have a relationship with.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2011):

my situation is similar. i have a girlfriend of four months and most of my friends are couples and i often see the female halves and socialise with them without their partners. so yes it does happen.

my girlfriend also finds it easier to be around men and finds female friends more difficult.

she is comfortable with them because we trust each other and i am open with her about what they mean to me as friends and as close friends.

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (18 November 2011):

Miamine agony auntYep, of course it's normal to have women friends. I know tons of guys like that. As you say they are a mixture of people he has spent quality time with, doing interesting things. Guys that like women, and can do hobbies with them are guys that you should keep.

I hate when people say that women and men can't be friends. That's absolute bullcrap. I got tons of men friends too. Please don't worry about it.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (18 November 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntif it's OK with you then it's FINE. it's the two of you in a relationship so it has to work for you and for him not for anyone else. Your relationship YOUR rules... if others question it, well then that's THEIR problem you owe folks no explanation of how things work for you two. (can you tell I have had to make this speech in my own life before?)

some men prefer the company of women and have many women friends vs male friends. As long as he keeps no secrets and YOU are comfortable with it I personally have no problem with it...

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