A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi me and my girlfried have been together 5 yrs. And have a 1 and a half yeah old. My problem is my partner no longer seems to enjoy or want to initiate sex. I know over time you have sex less but we are still in our 20's and have sex probaly twice a month. I would like alot more but sex is a two way thing. When we do have sex she just doesnt seen interest. I always insure i make her orgasm before me bs it takes her alot longer than me. Cant spice things up she is not open to trying new things. Only have intercourse with me on top as she says she is to fat to do other positions even though i dont she her as fat. No matter how many times i tell her she is pretty and sexy it falls no deaf ears. What to do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2011): Sounds like she has poor confidence to me. Its not your fault either, you tell her shes lovely.But your in your 20s so obviously you want more sex, now you have to entice her to feel the same.
Right - can you get a sitter,for the night and have a cosy night in just the 2 of you,cook her dinner, candles etc... try some romance.. few glasses of wine.. and build up to sex slowly, not in bed, the sofa or rug...Get out of the routine - think back to when you were dating or having more sex..help her round the house so shes not exhausted..bring her a box of chocolates or her favourite CD..woo her again
If all that fails perhaps suggest counselling...sex is important
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (18 November 2011):
 Like So Very Confused says, she basically has 2 full time jobs, mom/housework and work. Do you do an equal share of the work? And I don't mean just the fun stuff, I mean taking care of your kid when she's sick, getting up to change sheets when she wets the bed, cooking meals, dealing with transportation, taking her to the doctor, dealing with discipline, etc... And then when it comes to house upkeep, dishes, scrubbing toilets, cleaning the floors, etc... You should ask her if there's anything you can do to help out more. My guess is she's just way too exhausted to even think about how to make sex better. In the average household with children women do between 2 and 3 times more unpaid labor than men.
After pregnancy and childbirth, a lot of women have trouble feeling sexy again. A lot of women gain weight in weird places, bodies change, sometimes permanently. I'd try showing her that the body parts she's self conscious about are beautiful. There is a right way and a wrong way to do this. I had one boyfriend who would jiggle my stomach fat and love handles and tell me they were cute. He never got to see me fully naked. I had another who would kiss my stomach and thighs and get really into it and make sure I could see he enjoyed it, and I have never felt so comfortable naked.
So solutions, help out more with child care and chores, and show her you find her beautiful. Hope that helps her feel sexier and more relaxed.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2011): im the o.p. I do most of the house work. All of the cooking and do a physical days work. She works a desk job 4 days a week. Has more of a social life as i dont want her to feel she is house bound and want her to see her girlfriends. In very involved with my son and see to him in the night probally more than my papartner
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 November 2011):
 Well she has a 1 1/2 year old that she's chasing around all day... that's exhausting... and if she's working outside the home she has two full time jobs... running the home and childrearing as well as bringing in funds.
Do you help with the household and your child? because I know that even as a SAHM with an 18 month old I rarely wanted sex.. I was tired. I was touched out...
I'm sorry she feels so bad about her body... if you tell her she's pretty she may not hear it... do you SHOW her?
our bodies change so much with pregnancy....our breasts droop our bellies sag, and we DO NOT feel attractive... no matter what... do you touch and love the body parts she hates? for some women that might help... (others it makes it worse...)
to be honest I hate parts of my body and feel bad when I catch my guy touching them (he did it the other night when i was half asleep and i thought he was checking to see how fat I've gotten becuase I've gained a few pounds but he told me no he was loving on me when I was asleep... he loves my body the way it is and i have to learn that.....it's a very HARD lesson even for me...)
light some candles and low lighting... try positions other than her on top... there's scissors or dovetail, there's doggy style (most women do not find that flattering or comfortable but if it's her belly and boobs that bug her she may be flexible)
IF it's because she's tired and touched out from the baby you will need to step up your game at home and help out more... if it's just her body image.. that will be harder...
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