A
female
age
51-59,
*rairieprincess
writes:Am I overreacting to be upset that new boyfriend still friends with older FWB lover? He told me they started having sex after he split from ex-wife. But once he wanted to meet up with me, he told her they would have to be friends and she agreed. Now they meet once a week for dinner Am I being unreasonable that this bothers me? I feel like he is hanging onto her in case he and I don't work out
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 October 2019):
 I am afraid that you are correct, he 's hanging on onto her in case things don't work out with you.
This, assuming that he is sincere and they are just strictly having dinner together once a week. Which TBH I am a tad skeptical about, because , if he thinks she is such a good friend and good company to make her a permanent feature of his social and recreational life,-then why did he never bother actually dating her ? I mean, obviously there was sexual chemistry, - if besides being good, or good enough, in bed, she was good also as for spending time together regularly- why then not just starting a relationship with her ? what is it, her conversation has become fascinating and her ideas interesting only AFTER they stopped having sex together ?
Anyway, even assuming he is totally honest with you and dining out it's all they are doing together- yes, it just sounds like he is keeping his options open.
Which, technically , he is entitled to do. Yours is a new relationship, maybe he ( or both of you ) can't be sure yet if it is going to last , or how compatible you are… maybe you are still in a " let's wait and see how it goes " phase, and , as long as he sees her and treats her as a platonic friendship, technically he is not doing anything wrong to you- if any, it's the other lady who should complain of being strung along and labelled " plan B ".
Technically.
In a broader light, though, I think I would share your unease, and this even if he is being absolutely sincere. I don't like persons who are " tactical " and keep people around, as friends or lovers, based on convenience and on how much they can use these friends or lovers to suit their needs. I don't like users, in short- even in a bland, not too ruthless form as your bf ( probably ) is.
I guess it all depends on your level of tolerance for
" tactical " people. If it is low- it's easier , simpler and healthier for you to dump this guy and move on, rise than to try and adjust to an utilitarian mindset to which you cannot relate .
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 October 2019):
 honestly?
This would just not be OK with me, however, I GET that they were friends first and you came later so ASKING him or TELLING him to not be friends with her anymore is not really something I think is OK either. HE should KNOW that it isn't OK.
Want to bet that HE wouldn't be OK with you being friends with a guy you used to have a "FWB thing" with?
The fact that HE seems to think it's totally OK means you two have some VERY different values and standards.
And yes, I would also make the presumption that he was keeping her around "just in case".
I would just wish him well and move on. Block and delete this guy from your life.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (20 October 2019):
 For dinner? Have you met her, if she is his friends surely he will be wanting to introduce his new girlfriend to her, isn't that what friends do?
I think he is having his cake and eating it to.
Toss this one back, and yell NEXT!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2019): I would be. They aren't just friends of the opposite sex. They have been and probably still are sexually attracted to each other. I'm not suggesting that they are having sex, but that this isn't just a friendship. Also, the very regular meet-ups do sound to me also like he's keeping her around.
If I was you I would not tell him how I felt, but enlist the help of a male friend. Good looking preferably. And then tell your boyfriend that a former friends with benefits guy has got back from travelling abroad and has got in touch. Tell your boyfriend that you've told FWB guy that you are seeing someone and you two now can only be friends and he has agreed to that, but that you will be seeing him for dinner/dancing/movies on the same night that he is seeing this lady friend of his. Every week. I suspect that he will see through what you're doing. But no matter, it will still create the desired effect.
See how he likes those apples.
I think he's being disrespectful towards you.
If he doesn't care then I think you've got a problem. He is more interested in FWB woman than you, or more interested in keeping her around. If he kicks up a fuss, well then now he knows how it feels and you two can talk.
Personally though, if I was dating a man who keeps a previous sex interest around on such a regular basis, (or any basis come to that), then I would save myself the bother and the heartache and let him miss me as I disappear off into the sunset.
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