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female
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*lacksheep
writes: I am a 32 year old women. I have been with my husband for 14 years, 7 years non married 7 years married. My problem is that I have recently met another guy who is also married. Nothing has happened between us yet except for a snog but it is quite obvious that we really do fancy one another. I am quite astounded that I have so much as kissed this other guy because I have never so much as looked at another guy the whole time I've been with my husband. Unfortunately, for a while now I have felt that I don't love my husband anymore. I love him but I'm not in love with him. My husband has no idea how I feel. I feel as though I am just going with the flow just to make him happy. This other guy that I am very attracted to has made me realise even more that I am not in love with my husband. I can't believe that I feel like this as I thought I would never look at another man ever. My husband is a good father and a good husband and never does any wrong. This other guy makes me feel alive, sexy and womanly again. Please could you give me some advice as I really do not know what to do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Hot (Advice) +, writes (25 July 2006):
 Do you need us to justify that what you are feeling and thinking is right? Do you want us to be in agreement to what you really want to do? Well you are not going to get the answers you want to hear on here love. If you're asking whether you should go off with this bloke who is MARRIED and oh yea so are you...did the marriage vows mean anything to you anyway..(forsaking all others..blah bla) Oh my goodness there is children involved here too...bloody hell you selfish bitch, your husband deserves to be with someone better.............
A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (25 July 2006):
 Honey, it's too bad you find married life boring right now. But you chose to accept this man's proposal, and sometimes a marriage involves hard work - it's not all sex and passion!
Let's be clear about one thing: You are cheating right now and are on the verge of causing great damage to your family. Go and read other posts, especially under the "cheating" category, and you will see the broken lives of others who went too far before realizing the damage they caused.
You clearly have created a crisis in your mind about your marriage. So I have two questions to ask that you should take a good deal of time to think about before you answer:
1) Why did you accept your husband's proposal?
2) What is the foundation upon which your marriage is built?
Other agony aunts have touched upon the same theme: You feel that your marriage is not providing something you feel is missing in your life right now. Most of us have wandering eyes and will occasionally have lustful thoughts as a result of those wandering eyes. Those who are in need will act upon our lustful thoughts, just as you have.
After you have figured out what is important in your life, then you must tell your husband what you did. He deserves to know, and if he is as great a guy as you claim, he will forgive.
Good luck and take care.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2006): I feel you are being used. Every married man, or most, like the idea of a girlfriend. He will play with your emotions but all he will be thinking about is having fun. I find it difficult to understand how you can treat your husband like this after 14 years, especially as you still love him. How would you feel if you found out your husnband was doing the same to you? The in love doesn't always last but it does grow into something better - think carefully before throwing it all away with this cheating husband, your probably not his first, and you are being used.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2006): For God sake this other guy is just trying it on with you you mean nothing to him...yes he has probably flattered you and after 14 years you feel over the moon but I don't think for a minute it wiould ever turn into anything..will he leave his wife for you...would you leave your devoted husband and partner of 14 years.I note you say you love your husband but you are not in love with him..well the honey moon period doesn't last for ever it then turns into something better an understanding and companionship..I think you'd miss your husband if you left him and if you cheated he would find out, one way or another you would give it away body language etc. The 'in love bit' wouldn't last for long with the new fella you should try and put more into your own marriage than cheating on your husband...you have given your emotions to someonme else try and turn around before it is to late cut contact with this other fella, if he can cheat on his wife he will, before long, cheat on you too. Once a cheat always a cheat, do you really trust this other person. I would suggest both you and your husband go to counselling, but if you can behave yourself and remain faithful to your husband who is committed to you, then don't tell your husband what's been going on as it will probably finish him. Think seriously about your actions as I realy feel you have no future with this other fella, he is married and your just his bit on the side and your being used, I doubt he loves you your just a conquest.
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A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (24 July 2006):
 The grass is not always greener on the other side. For GOD's sake your human and you will notice other people and find other people attractive. Carnal Instinct. This man has proven himself and continues to do so. You are making a big mistake and if you proceed you will end up hating this other man and yourself for what you have done or intend to do. Cheaters not only hurt their partners but also themselves. Then, you have children and being a parent you put your children's needs before your own. Do you think if they knew the truth, I mean the real truth, that you left their dad for your own sexual fulfillment. That won't sit to well and you will be the bad guy. Not only have you hurt your husband but you will be looked at in a different light by your own flesh and blood. Now does that make this lustful obsession seem anymore appealing. Get over this snag and live. Talk to your husband and let him know how you feel. Its not fair to find a new mechanic when the first never had a chance to fix the malfunction. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2006): My advice to you would be to cut the guy out of your life and get to work on your marraige. Obviously, you seem to think this guy is able to provide you something that your husband can't. You need to figure out what that is and talk with your husband. Your vow is to your husband, not this guy. There will be others in the future that catch your eye, but you have to remember who has been there for you and with you for 14 years.
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A
female
reader, singlemomof1 +, writes (24 July 2006):
 First of all are you sure your eye candy is feeling the same way as you. Most men that stray still want the wife at home and the "friend" on the side. Is that what you want to be. Maybe your husband and you just need to spice up your relatinship. If that doesn't work then consider leaving the marriage.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2006): i was in this situation one year ago,never looked at another guy before,until someone showed me attention,now one year on the affair i had finshed,but things were never going to be the same again between my partner and myself.it was if something was missing,now like a idiot i'm doing it all again.i'm just saying be careful before you get into deep.only there maybe no turning back.
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A
female
reader, chazx  +, writes (24 July 2006):
 well i think that you need to sit down with your husband and tell him how you feel but only if you are 100% sure that you want the other guy because you dont want to cause problems between you and your husband for no reason.as well as i think you should tell your husband that you had a passionate moment with another man and you kissed him and explain that you feel the love is going .
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